Smart money's on Bratwurst to place

Well, it's been a crazy month, and it's about to get even crazier, as I'm about to leave for the airport and the quick little 36-hour jaunt over to Taiwan. I'll be there for a week. But I couldn't go without first sharing the Miller Park Sausage Race love. The game I saw went 13 innings and, to the crowd's unfettered joy, included a second race after the 12th.

There is much to be said in praise of Brewers fans, but this in particular impressed me: at almost every sporting event I've been to in the last few years, fans react with more passion, cheering and general enthusiasm to the free t-shirts shot into the crowd than they do to almost anything that happens during the actual game. It was true at Madison Square Garden, it was true at Shea, and I don't kid myself that it wouldn't also be the case at Yankee Stadium, if they started the tradition. It was not true, however, at Miller Park: there, the crowd engaged more fully with the racing sausages -- hot dog, bratwurst, Polish sausage, chorizo, and Italian sausage -- than with anything else. Which is, I feel, exactly how it should be.


I should point out that these things, according to Wikipedia, have names, though they quite wisely don't advertise these at the ballpark: Frankie Furter, Brett Wurst, Stosh (I have a friend named Stosh and now will always associate him with a man in a large plush sausage outfit wearing sunglasses... I have mixed feelings about that), Cinqo, and... wait for it... Guido. Yes, they did.

Much has been happening:

-Alex Rodriguez nailed his much-anticipated 500th home run. Nice moment, though really, if he doesn't get to at least 600 it'll have to be because he lost a limb. However, I do find it slightly disturbing that he and Barry Bonds have such a supportive friendship. First they schmooze it up at the All-Star Game, now both of them go out of their way to praise the other in their post-milestone pressers today... I could have sworn I heard ominous strings in the background. I mean, I'm just not well-equipped to handle a world in which Jose Conseco is not full of shit.

-The Kansas City Royals continue to suck. Chien-Ming Wang continues to be awesome. Phil Hughes should be too, shortly, but wasn't quite today.

-The Pittsburgh Pirates are still run by a madman. As Jayson Stark writes,

For the next two hours, after people around baseball learned of this deal, they couldn't stop calling, e-mailing and texting reactions that could probably be summed up with three succinct words: WHAT THE BX!GRZFDQ!!!!!

-The Yankees are just 2 games out of the Wild Card lead.

-The Mets seem to have stabilized, and they'll try to take 2 of 3 from the Cubs today; over/under on the number of times the ESPN cameras cut to Lou Piniella looking grumpy after a cubs pitcher allows a hit or a walk: 23. Also, good luck to Tom Glavine as he goes for #300 a second time -- he got robbed by the bullpen in Milwaukee. One can only hope that Frankie Furter's 12th inning triumph was some consolation to him.

-Barry Bonds finally hit another home run tonight to blah blah blah. Does anybody still care? I took this photo just outside Miller Park:



Will there ever be a Barry Bonds statue in San Fran? It's hard to imagine, isn't it? For one thing, it would be an engineering challenge to get the head large enough, yet still keep the thing structurally sound... lawsuit just waiting to happen.

Okay, off to Taiwan. I believe I'll have internet access, in which case I'll be sure to post -- though I can't be sure, as all I really know about my hotel is that, per its official web page, it boasts "luxuriously decorated corridor poles." What more could anybody ask?

In any case: any Taiwanese fans reading this, who have any tips, advice, or the desire to watch a Yankees game this coming week in Taipei, please do drop me an email -- ekspan @ gmail.com.

Mysteries of Pittsburgh

The Mets have had plenty of injuries this season, but not, I'd say, a truly abnormal amount. Still, has any other team had such random injuries? How does a young guy like Carlos Gomez fracture his hand on a checked swing, exactly? And now Jose Valentine has fractured his tibia by fouling a ball off his leg. It wasn't shattered a la Jermaine Dye -- that was one of the most gruesome baseball injuries I can recall watching live* -- but it probably ended his season.

Speaking of age, I was glad to see Julio Franco land on his feet, even if it is with the Braves, and even if both parties seem a bit grouchy about the breakup. A lot of Mets fans, by the time he was released, had started to resent his presence on the team a bit, and there's no denying he wasn't very useful this year, even as a pinch hitter. Still, let's never forget how cool it is that the man is about to turn 49 years old. Also, earlier this season he broke his own record to become the oldest man ever to hit a home run in the majors, and he did it off The Big Grumpy himself, Randy Johnson. So I will, pretty much, love him forever.

Last night Tom Glavine got win #299 (and A-Rod hit home run #499). These are impressive milestones -- Glavine's far more so -- but I hate the inevitable countdown superhype we'll now have to go through with every start or at-bat. And, yes, I have decided to completely ignore Barry Bonds in the hopes that he will eventually go away. I'm not watching his at-bats no matter how many times ESPN tries to make me. Part of me does hope it takes him weeks and weeks to get it, though... if only because it will be a sort of poetic justice for Bud Selig to be forced to traipse glumly around the country after him, however long it takes. Now will you admit you should have pushed harder and more publicly for testing back in the 90s?

Anyway, the Mets seem to be back in their groove, though it's hard to tell when they're playing the Pirates. Seriously, how bad are the Pirates? Ace pitcher Ian Snell's immediate family members are now calling the team losers. "I'm starting to break," says Snell in that article. Yikes! Okay, as soon as they get out of New York, I'm officially rooting for Pittsburgh. These guys need some wins in the worst way.

That said, they really are terrible. In one eighth-inning play against the Mets last night, the pitcher failed to cover a base, no one on the Pirates seemed to know where the ball was supposed to go, and somehow an errant throw by catcher Ryan Doumit hit Shawn Green in the head as he dove back into third. Honestly, I'm not even sure what happened there; it bore only a vague resemblance to baseball as we traditionally know it. As Keith Hernandez put it, sounding genuinely confused and slightly hurt, "the Pirates did so many things wrong on that play..."

Between them and the Reds, and the Yankees' stretch against Tampa, Toronto, and Kansas, I've watched an awful lot of bad baseball over the last few weeks. Good thing they can wrap up these series tomorrow and move on to... oh... uh, the Orioles and Nationals. Aaaargh!



*Up there with Nick Johnson's broken leg (especially sickening in person -- it was almost a year ago and he still isn't recovered enough to play), Brian Roberts' elbow (eeeeeew!), and probably worst of all, the Beltran/Cameron outfield collision, which is why as far as I'm concerned no one is ever, EVER allowed to get on Beltran for shying away from balls dropping just between him and his right fielder.

You know, it's funny... I always liked Bubba Crosby when he was with the Yanks, but when I see his name the first things I think of are him crashing into Sheffield in the outfield during the '05 playoffs, and Brian Roberts' horrifically mangled elbow. That's quite a legacy for an innocuous little fourth outfielder.

That Still Doesn't Explain What's Wrong With "The Cream"...

... and there's a really inappropriate joke in there somewhere.

I don’t really have much to add to all that’s already been said and written on the Sheffield/Torre contretemps. Buster Olney sums it up for those of you with ESPN Insider. In short, looking back over Torre’s whole career, there seems to be little evidence to back up Sheffield's remarks. And as you'll no doubt have heard by now, Sheffield mentioned that Jeter had tried to defend Torre to him, but that's not relevant because Jeter "ain't all the way black." Nice. I have no trouble believing Torre plays favorites – and that Sheffield was not one of those favorites, which may be what he’s responding to -- but that's hardly the same thing.

From that same interview, another quote from Sheff, on why he’d never, ever take steroids:

"The bottom line is, steroids is something you stick in your butt - period."

So… I guess homophobia is good for something after all?

In other news:

--Anthony Rieber has a new Ask Anthony mailbag up on Newsday.com. You know, it's not nice to make fun of a 76-year-old woman... but it is, sometimes, called for.

--Speaking of Derek Jeter, on a lighter note (and via Gothamist), I’m just going to quote this entire item from the gossip pages of the Daily News:

“Derek Jeter had to step up his game over the All-Star break in San Francisco.

The Yankees captain seemed a little nonplussed that his pal Barry Bonds was more of a hit with the ladies at the 40/40 Club All Star Celebration. Bonds, who hosted the event, was besieged by female fans wanting photos and autographs.

"If this party was in New York, all the girls would be on my s—," Jeter wryly observed in front of a Gatecrasher pal.

Not to be outdone, our boy was spotted later chatting up two women and leaving the party with an attractive blond.”

Ah, homefield advantage.

Now, I’ve never been a Jeter groupie. Love watching the man play, but never had the big crush, even as an impressionable adolescent. And I admit that his club-hopping, starlet-a-night routine is finally starting to wear on me – not that I’d ever argue against a rich and famous athlete getting his god-given share of tail, but really, it has been twelve years now, and if he has other interests, he keeps them well hidden.

However, with that said: how on earth could any sentient straight woman not pick him over BARRY BONDS? Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I don’t like to assist a guy with his cattle hormone injections on a first date. Certainly not without a really nice dinner first.

--On Saturday the Tampa Bay Devil Rays enjoyed a sellout crowd, according to the YES announcers. “Good for them,” I thought, until I heard the rest: it was only the sixth in their entire history.

--The Yankees are now one game over .500. I will skip the sarcastic celebratory remarks this time, but it is perhaps worth pointing out that they’re now just a win or two away from being on pace to match the final record of last year’s World Series Champions.

I dislike the Cardinals more and more with every passing day.

B.Y.O. Deca-Durabolin

Well, that's just fantastic. The lesson, as always: never, ever say that things can't get any worse.

The Yankees actually got a nice win yesterday, Roger Clemens' 350th. He's the first pitcher to get that many Ws since Joe Torre caught Warren Spahn in 1963, and only the second since the Great Depression. Now, I'm generally the first to argue that wins are a totally meaningless statistic: you can allow 1 run and lose, or 11 runs and win; it's utterly team-dependent, and tells you very little about a pitcher's actual performance, etc, etc, and so forth. But, that said: if you've got 350 of them, you've done something right. It was old-school Clemens last night -- he went 8 innings and allowed just 2 hits.

But that's all overshadowed by A-Rod's hamstring. Jesus: enough with the fucking hamstrings already! Don't these people ever stretch?! The truth is, the Yankees probably weren't going anywhere anyway. But that's all the more reason to have A-Rod around, because watching him put up his incomprehensible numbers has been one of the few enjoyable things about this season.

In other news: like the Yankees, the Mets rolled into Coors field ready for some offensive fireworks and instead barely scraped out two runs, while Tom Glavine gave up six runs in the third inning. Luckily, the Braves and the Phillies still suck.

Finally, Peter Gammons' ESPN blog post yesterday was, essentially, one long ad for the iPhone: almost the entire entry is about how cool the technology is and how many MLB players wanted to get one as soon as possible. Now, while I would absolutely not for a second put it past ESPN to take money for an endorsement disguised as a column... Peter Gammons wouldn't do that, would he? He's not one of my favorite columnists, but he's still an enormously respected sports writer, and he was one of the greats back in the day. So it must have been just a somewhat misguided story idea born on a slow news day... right? Man, I hope so. Haven't we all been disillusioned enough already?

One interesting thing in there amidst all the masses of product placement:

Verlander also knew he didn't have to go to the AT&T/Cingular store to activate his toy. No, simple. "All you have to do is download iTunes into the phone," said Verlander. Before he went to warm up Friday, he could listen to Timbaland (actually, he might want to to listen to a little Jay-Z to get ready for the All-Star Game party he and Barry Bonds are throwing), call friends, check the weather and go online...

Screw the iPhone. Justin Verlander and Barry Bonds are throwing a party? What a random duo, and who wants Barry Bonds at their party, anyway? "I know... let's invite the old humorless guy with 'roid rage!"

I'm Not Here To Talk About The Past... Well, Maybe Just A Little

So I never commented on the Mark McGwire Hall of Fame issue. Simple reason: I honestly don't know if he should be in or not. It's unfair to single him out when so many other juicers will get away with it, and he had a huge impact on the game; but it's also wrong to put him in at the expense of clean players, and without some sort of asterisk. The truth is, I think the Steroid Era may mark the end of the Hall of Fame as a relevant institution... to the extent that it ever was relevant, anyway.

As for Barry Bonds, I am utterly unsurprised that he tested positive for amphetamines last year (whether or not he also tried to blame it on a teammate is less clear). As far as I can tell, greenies were basically like aspirin for players throughout the 20th century; I don't think this even cracks the top ten list of off-putting, criminal things Bonds has done. I am curious to see, however, whether the Giants seize this deus-ex-machina of an opportunity to get out of their terrible tentative contract with him for next year. For just $16 million, an expensive lounge chair, and an entourage of 20 hangers-on, you too can procure the services of a gimpy, angry, juiced-up sleazeball! Man, if I were a Giants fan, I'd be beside myself.

I'm even more curious to know who leaked the test results. Someone at the Giants, hoping to do just what I suggested? Someone at Major League Baseball trying to drag Bonds into retirement? Or some lab technician or official who doesn't want to see Aaron's record go down? I will say this: I always thought the guy was just paranoid, but it turns out Bonds does have a lot of enemies.

Meanwhile, all's quiet on the New York baseball front. The Yankees signed Jeff Nelson to a minor-league deal, but only so that he could retire as a Yankee. That's actually kind of touching, and surprising, because Nelson seemed like a rather irritable guy in his time here -- I remember a lot of complaining and grousing about various managerial decisions. I never found him very likable; maybe his creepy mustache just rubbed me the wrong way. On the other hand, I also remember a lot of exceedingly competent late-inning pitching. The Yankees still haven't found a duo to set up Mo as reliable as Mike Stanton and Nelson were during those years. Their talent was certainly recognized at the time but, looking back, maybe under-appreciated.

Finally, on a genuinely serious note, I'll join the many thousands of people who are keeping Bobby Murcer in their thoughts.