Well, that's the problem with this ballclub right there. How do you leave a beautiful name like that rotting in the minors?! Free Elvys Quezada!
(photo from scout.com)
And while we're at it, let's get Damon Sublett, Seth Fortenberry, and Ryan Zink up here too. What the hell, right? They could hardly make the team worse; might as well give Bob Sheppard something fun to say.