Ohhhh, Fight

In theory, I do not approve of multimillionaire professional adults punching and shoving each other over some macho bullshit.

However I have to admit that whenever it actually happens, I'm all "Ohhhh, fight!!!"

Actually I missed seeing Tuesday's Yankees-Jays brawl live because I was watching the Mets lose to the Braves, which was not so remarkable (thought I admit it took me quite a few minutes to place Mets starter Patrick Misch), but I was doing it at "Amazin' Tuesday" on the LES, which was a lot of fun.

The first thing I thought when I saw clips of the fight was, of course the first real Yankees brawl in years happens AFTER they finally got rid of Kyle Farnsworth. Because that is basically the only good reason to have Farnsworth on one's team, as has been repeatedly proven in independent studies.

Anyway, I had no idea Joe Girardi could move that fast - he got to the scene quicker than anyone else from either dugout. I guess nothing motivates a guy quite like seeing hundreds of millions of dollars (and thousands of pounds) worth of stars heading for a hostile dogpile. There was a whole lot of VORP shoving around in that mess.

I'm dwelling on a game from four days ago because (A) I cannot ever pass up the opportunity for a Kyle Farnsworth joke, and (B) tonight's game ended with a sin against nature in the form of a walk-off home run off of Mariano Rivera. I don't like to dwell on such games because, quite frankly, the universe already seems frightening, random, and meaningless enough as it is.

Next blog post: time to talk about the Mets. But god, where do I start?

Champagne Supernova

It's been an exhausting week for both New York teams, but, uh... well, different results. Mets fans, I really recommend you skip the following section of this post -- all the blue text -- and resume reading farther down. I'll have more for you tomorrow, from Shea Stadium in fact... the Happiest Place on Earth.

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First, I have a recap of last night's Wild Card-clinching game up on Bronx Banter. I've gotta say, I'm a real sucker for these locker room celebrations, even when it's a team I have no particular attachment to; it's just so rare to see that many adults so purely happy. A few thoughts that didn't fit in the recap:

-A commenter at the Banter the other day pointed out that Joba Chamberlain's ERA+ is now 1042. Not a typo. 1042. For those of you not sabermetrically inclined, all you need to know is that "ERA+" basically measures how good a pitcher is compared to the rest of his league, and anything over *100* is above average; for context, Mariano Rivera, almost certainly the best reliever in the game over the last 12 years overall, has a lifetime ERA+ of 196. That's awesome, 196. Joba Chamberlain's is 1042.

Now obviously, over time, Chamberlain's numbers will become less incomprehensibly superhuman; doing something for six weeks and doing something for 12 years are two very different things. Nevertheless: that's insane.

Chamberlain earned his first save a few nights ago, as Mariano Rivera was being rested, and it occurs to me that one unintended consequence of Joba Mania is that it actually gives the Yankees a little leverage in their upcoming contract negotiations with Rivera. Back in July, it seemed like they'd have no choice but to give him whatever he wanted, because who on earth would they replace him with? But now, if Rivera does leave (granted, that's highly unlikely), the Yankees have another option for really the first time since 1995.

That said, I can only imagine that letting Mariano Rivera go would result in a hideous boomerang of negative karma so severe that Red Sox fans would be mockingly chanting "2000!" from their 23rd century space bleachers. If you're the Yankees, you just have to pay the guy. But: possibly not quite as much as you thought you would.

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Welcome back Mets fans, it's safe now. In other news:

--The police have busted an international steroid ring (again, some more). So who's getting exposed this time? Barack Obama? Cardinal Egan? Maddox Jolie-Pitt? Surprise me.

By the way, you have to love government code names -- this was Operation Raw Deal. Once again I'm reminded that I really need to start giving more things in my life code names.

--Anthony Rieber reveals his plan for world domination in his latest Newsday mailbag. That's not a bad idea about eliminating the leagues, and making divisions all about geography; but, as MLB moves towards change with all the momentum of a three-legged tree sloth on Oxycontin... well, maybe your grandkids will enjoy the new setup one day.

--The Mets... what can you really say at this point? What can they say? I asked some of my Mets fan friends what they'd like to ask the team right now and I got several responses, none of them practical:

1) "What the hell? That's it, just: what the hell?"
2) "Why do you hate me?"
3) "Little Timmy needs a new heart. Little Timmy is very sick. Little
Timmy is a Mets fan. Will you go out there and win one for Little
Timmy?"

What I still don't understand is why they couldn't have at least tried to bribe the Nationals, you know? Would that have been so hard? The team just invested a big chunk of capital in Dmitri "Da Meat Hook" Young, so it's not like they couldn't use the cash, and what's another loss or two to them at this point in the season? I trust the Mets will at least give this a shot when facing the Marlins this weekend.

Who Are You, And What Have You Done With Mariano Rivera?

Oof. It was not a good night for New York baseball teams.

Tim Hudson pitched a fantastic game for the Braves; the Mets lineup, hardly slumping with 27 runs in its last three games, couldn't do a thing with him. With Hudson gone in the ninth, they revived a bit and made it 7-3 on Shawn Green's home run (somewhere in New Orleans, Lastings Milledge is cursing under his breath), but it was never that close. Mike Pelfrey got knocked around and the bullpen, uncharacteristically, let it get out of hand: you hate to see a run walked in. You REALLY hate to see two runs walked it. And after that, the last thing you need is a run scoring on a wild pitch. A Mets fan sitting near me at the bar, in agonies watching Ambiorix Burgos's coy avoidance of the strike zone, kept yelling "Just groove one down the middle! For fuck's sake! A grand slam is much better than this! Please! Just let him get the gland slam!!!" Yeah, that seventh inning didn't go so well.

Adding insult to injury, bases loaded walks against the Braves are an automatic Kenny Rogers '99 flashback. It's starting to look like Philly was just a decoy -- the Braves are still the issue, and if Hudson continues pitching like that, they're going to be much stronger than they were last season. I'm going to the game at Shea tomorrow, so let's hope the Mets come out swinging, and the Dr. Jekyll version of Oliver Perez shows up.

I see no reason the Mets can't take the next two games from the Braves, though; the Yankees are in a tougher situation.With rookies going over the weekend and a potentially worn-out bullpen, tonight was their best bet for a win against the Sox.

Andy Pettitte held up his end of the deal, only allowing two runs on a Jason Varitek homer. (You know, I think Varitek is a terrific catcher and I respect him for it, but I'll never understand why he didn't take more crap for leaving his face mask on when he went after A-Rod a few years ago.) Schilling wasn't bad tonight either, and it would have been a pitcher's duel if not for the fact that Alex Rodriguez is fucking scalding hot right now. Yep: he hit two more homers, providing 5 of the Yanks' 6 runs, and generally continuing to be incomprehensibly awesome at the plate. Normally, that's all the Yanks would need, but Vizcaino was a bit shaky, Mariano Rivera came into the 8th inning with runners on, and... well... he blew the lead. His first time out after Sunday's Marco Scutaro debacle. There are no words for how much I hate watching Mariano Rivera lose -- or rather, there are words, but I already used them Sunday. Small, cold, helpless sort of feeling.

Two other things made this loss especially galling: the Sox's green uniforms -- I honestly have no rational explanation for why this bothered me, it just did -- and the fact that nearly half the bar was composed of Red Sox fans. In Brooklyn! Why? I mean, I don't begrudge anyone the right to watch a baseball game wherever they please; but there should not have been this many. I may need to find a new local sports bar.

Anyway, a lot of people are blaming Torre on this one, and I do question some of his moves -- pinch running for Giambi, not bunting with Nieves, etc. -- but the bottom line, for me, is that if you hand Mariano Rivera a three-run lead, that's a win 95% of the time. You'd take that every day. So I suppose it's possible that better managing might have won the game despite Rivera's ineffectiveness, but I don't think you can really say that Torre's mistakes lost it.

Also, I've decided that I will not freak out after only two bad outings from Rivera. If he gets lit up his next time out, I'll become somewhat concerned. If it happens a fourth time, please call and talk me off the edge of my fire escape.

You Know What Else Pales In Comparison? Hay Fever! Also, Subway Delays.

Karl Ravich on Baseball Tonight this afternoon: “Bad weather’s already cancelled six games today, but the bad weather pales in comparison to the obstacles that Jackie Robinson had to deal with.” Yes. Virulent, pervasive, systematic racism: worse than heavy rain!

There were some nice tributes to Robinson today, though -- very cool to see the entire Dodgers team wearing #42.

It is in fact a nasty, windy, soaking day in the city. The Mets game was washed out and then some, but it's a rougher weekend for the Yanks. First there was the tough extra-innings loss on Friday; then a draining 13-inning game that resulted in a win last night, but required the entire bullpen. Today came news that Mike Mussina’s hamstring hasn’t improved enough for him to avoid the DL. He’ll be joined by Carl Pavano, who has “soreness” in his forearm (yeah, that really narrows it down). I’m not sold on all the character-based Pavano-bashing, but it certainly looks like his body isn’t able to handle the strain of regular major league pitching, I’ll give you that. Looks like Chase Wright, with two AA starts to his name, will get the start in his place -- kind of a surprising pick, but more on him later.

The worst came today, however. Andy Pettitte pitched a gem, and the offense eked out four runs; holding a 4-2 lead, the Yanks brought Mariano Rivera in to pitch the ninth. Then -- with two on, two out, and two strikes -- he allowed a game-winning home run to Marco goddamn Scutaro, the A’s number nine hitter (current batting average: .095).

For Yankees fans, a game-winning home run off Mariano Rivera is much worse than a walk-off homer off anyone else. It’s like being confronted with evidence that there is, in fact, no God, that the universe is a cold and empty place devoid of larger meaning or comfort or hope, a howling void.

Well, okay, maybe it’s not that bad. Still, tough loss. This is how my (wet) dog felt about it:



Meanwhile, the Angels have been playing the Red Sox. Who do you root for there? Whoever wins, we lose…