What is "One of the More Surreal Experiences of My Life, Alex?"

So in the end, my anxiety about the ALDS was largely unfounded - except for Carl Pavano's ace performance; did I call that or what? My recap of last night's Yankees win went up on the Banter this morning.

And since it worked so well last time, now I'm off to write about all the many ways the ALCS could turn into a total disaster for New York.

Meanwhile, weirdly enough, I'm supposed to be on "Jeopardy!" tonight - I went out to LA for the taping back in August and it was a fun though deeply weird experience. I'm Tivo-ing the show, but as I hate even hearing my own voice on a tape recorder let alone watching myself on TV, I will probably go with the Phils-Rockies game tonight instead.

And I'm not allowed to say how I did before it airs, but I can't let it go without just one preemptive note: I knew the Mickey Mantle question! I just couldn't buzz in in time, I swear!

"When the Legend Becomes Fact, Pitch the Legend"

Well, the Yankees' season is likely over... but that didn't keep me from writing a recap for the Banter about Saturday's supposedly Carl Pavano-started game. That's one of my better post titles, too, if I do say so myself.

And if we could somehow get "The Last Unicorn" to stick as a nickname for Pavano, I won't have wasted my time on this planet.

The Mets are in much, much better shape, the loss tonight not withstanding. I can't help feeling a little sorry for Willie Randolph. He got a huge standing ovation at Old Timer's Day at Yankee Stadium, and seemed to really appreciate it, but I think it was only really about about half "we love you, Willie!" and half "fuck the Mets." And I don't want to deny Jerry Manuel credit, because obviously he's done an excellent job, but surely the Mets' turnaround can't be attributed entirely to the managerial change, can it?

But anyway, more on the Mets later, as I now have to fall asleep while watching the US basketball team win a gold medal. Well... knock on wood, but come on.

No Matter How Long The Winter...

Ah, spring training! Pitchers and catchers are in camp and my RSS reader is blowing up. News and notes:

-Mike Mussina had minor leaguer Billy Traber's locker switched so that Phil Hughes could be in the corner, next to Mussina and Ian Kennedy. The Moose comes off as such a grouchy old man sometimes that I thought Traber must have been playing his music too loud or something, but that's not it:

Ian Kennedy was given the locker on one side of Mussina and non-roster lefty Billy Traber the other. Phil Hughes, meanwhile, was five lockers away, between Carl Pavano and Andy Pettitte.

So Mussina talked to Rob Cucuzza, who is the actual clubhouse manager, and asked Hughes and Traber to be swapped. Mussina wanted Hughes we well as Kennedy to be part of any impromptu pitching discussions.

My question is, whose idea was it to place Hughes next to Carl Pavano? That guy shouldn't be allowed within 15 feet of a pitching prospect. Just the thought brings out all my protective instincts.

Anyway, this is a classy move by Mussina. I wonder what kind of wisdom he'll be imparting?...

“So kids, remember all that stuff Rocket told you last season about ‘B12 shots'? DISREGARD.”


-MetsBlog has a quote from Ryan Church, who's all excited to join the Mets -- to be expected, as this kid comes from a place where Dmitri Young qualifies as a superstar. Just wait until the lifetime Expo/National finds himself on a team with a winning percentage over .500, his head might explode.


-Paul Lo Duca apologizes, vaguely, for "mistakes in judgment" and his memorable supporting role in the Mitchell report. That took two months?


-While I find all this "team to beat" stuff pretty silly, it's nice to see Carlos Beltran showing a little life. Beltran, when he's healthy, is a joy to watch, but you always wish he would have a bit more fun out there.


-Excellent news: the Mets signed Olmedo Saenz, owner of one of the better nicknames in the game, to a minor league deal. "The Killer Tomato" is not only an accomplished pinch-hitter, but also offers the kind of zaftig presence that's sorely lacking in New York this season.



-In the "La Plus Ca Change" division: pitchers throwing for Joe Torre in the Dodgers' camp the other day included Tanyon Sturtze, Esteban Loaiza, and Mike Myers.

You can run, but you can't hide.

And Just in Time for Passover

I've got a post on Bronx Banter today, but here's a few additional comments on opening day, before round two of Mets-Cardinals tonight:

-I think we were all ready for Pavano to either collapse in pieces, perhaps literally, or stage a triumphant and inspiring comeback. Instead, he was just… well… okay. Not bad. Meh. Of course, that in itself represents progress. The jury’s still out, especially since the Yankees helpfully made three ugly errors behind him. It’ll take at least three or four more starts before I give up on him for the 11th time.

-There’ve been a lot of stories recently about how Andy Pettitte is befriending Pavano, his new neighbor in the locker room. This is clearly part of the Pavano media rehab initiative, the idea being “hey, if Andy likes him… how bad can he be?” Not a bad strategy, I've gotta say.

-I only discovered yesterday that Doug Mientkiewicz is nicknamed Manischewitz. A quick Google search reveals that this one has been around for a while, but I don’t think I’d ever heard it before, and while it doesn’t make any sense -- other than phonetically -- I think it'll stick. My only worry is that, if he hits extremely poorly, people will think I’m being anti-semetic.

- I watched the Twins-Orioles game last night, and was reminded that Santana hasn’t lost a game at home in TWO YEARS. And yes, I know wins aren’t an accurate measure of how a player performed on a given day… but fuck it, that’s insane. Also, I learned from the announcers (Yes - learned something! From ESPN announcers! I know!) that the Astros used to have Santana in their farm system, and let him go in the Rule V draft. Can you imagine being the person in the Astros organization responsible for that decision? I would never sleep again. Sorry -- I know this is a bit off-topic, but when I watch Santana pitch, I’m like a small child fixated on a shiny object. I wanted him on my salary cap fantasy team so badly that I spent a third of my budget on him, and was left with only $600,000 for Bubba Crosby as my DH.

Finally: everything was going well yesterday -- until I saw this story. Now, I know this is truly nothing but idle speculation. But. Donald Trump… owning the Yankees? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…

Gooooooooooooooooood Afternooooon, Everybody

Well, I've healed the only way I know how: drinking heavily by night, and, during the day, sitting around in my pajamas with my dog, listening to depressing indie music, and watching "Mike and the Mad Dog" all afternoon. (Oddly, the shriller Dog gets, the more soothing I find the show).

So, back to baseball. I'm getting so sick of saying, thinking, hearing, and writing "it's only spring training" that you can tell this last week is going to be a long one, but the monotony was broken up today when Carl Pavano pitched solidly... and narrowly avoided being attacked by a swarm of bees. No, really.

Meanwhile, Aaron Sele had a solid outing for the Mets. I'm rooting for him to make the team because he seems like an awfully nice guy, but I can't honestly say I think he'd be better than Mike Pelfrey. Solid long reliever though, maybe? And Billy Wagner got seriously lit up, but hey, don't worry, Mets fans: Armando Benitez may be available on the trade market! If Steve Phillips were still around, he'd know what to do about it...


Finally, as of last week, when I first discovered his existence, I've got a new favorite player: Denard Span, of the Twins. No relation, as far as I know; but I've never met or even heard of another Span outside of my immediate family, so I'm adopting him. This is all I've been able to find out so far: he's from Tampa, 23 years old and incredibly fast, apparently a very good fielder but without much of an arm, and... well, maybe hitting isn't his strong suite, but did I mention how fast he is? He'll be starting at AAA, but I was stung to find BP's PECOTA system projecting him Denard to hit .281/.330/.382 this season, with a VORP of -.7. I'm taking this as a personal affront. Mark my words: he's gonna prove everybody wrong! I'm so sure of this that if he doesn't end up with a positive Value Over Replacement Player by the end of the season, I'll change my name to Denard.*

You know, I really like the Twins in general: I adore Torii Hunter even though intellectually I realize he's been overrated much of his career, I'm pretty sure that Johan Santana is a god, the name Boof Bonser makes me smile... I could go on. So it pains me to see that they still seem to be seriously considering Sidney Ponson for a starting job. I know pitching is scare these days, but for pity's sake... do you have no one at AAA? Can't we all try to at least maintain a little dignity?


*Probably not really.

Like Shooting Mysteriously Injured Fish in a Barrell

Per Newsday,

"The Cardinals have asked to view Carl Pavano's expansive medical records, according to a report in yesterday's St. Louis Post-Dispatch".

Why do you think the Cardinals requested those records?

• A) A good laugh.
• B) Cost-effective paperweight.
• C) Walt Jocketty lost a drunken bet at the winter meetings.
• D) They made Jeff Weaver into a World Series star, and it went right to their heads.
• E) They made Jeff Weaver into a World Series star, and now they plan to use that same secret DNA-altering alien laser technology on Pavano as well.

Okay, okay. I can already see this is going to be a problem, so I promise to limit the number of Pavano jokes to no more than one a week in the future. In the meantime, however... vote now!