Get To Know Your New New York Players, Part 4: Ryan Church

After looking at Brian Schneider and LaTroy Hawkins, plus some Venezuelan lefty whose name escapes me at the moment, it's time to see what we can't find out about new Mets outfielder Ryan Church. I put this off because I kept thinking Minaya was going to turn around and trade the guy, but apparently not; Willie Randolph told WFAN the other day that he (Church, not Randolph, though that would be fun) will get the chance to win the starting right field job.

Checking out Church's stats, I see that even the guy who sponsors his Baseball-Reference.com page writes, "It was a fun ride, but you're no Lastings Milledge." Ouch. Still, when Church has been healthy, he's put up solid numbers, unspectacular but useful.


Off the field, he found himself in the middle of a mini-scandal a few years back, thanks to conversations with the Nationals' overzealous team chaplain. The unfortunate Washington Post headline was "Nats' Church Apologizes For Remarks About Jews":

An article in Sunday's paper about Baseball Chapel quoted Church as saying that he had turned to Moeller for advice about his former girlfriend, who was Jewish. "I said, like, Jewish people, they don't believe in Jesus. Does that mean they're doomed? Jon nodded, like, that's what it meant. My ex-girlfriend! I was like, man, if they only knew. Other religions don't know any better. It's up to us to spread the word," Church said.

Whoops. I'm sure the Mets' PR staff will be having a little chat with Church about trying not to alienate one third of his new team's fan base. (Particularly not the third that controls the media! Har.) Anyway, Church apologized immediately-- "I am not the type of person who would call into question the religious beliefs of others" -- and the whole mess seems to reflect more on Moeller, the chaplain, than Church, who comes off mainly as excessively impressionable. Still... the Mets ditched Shawn Green for this guy? Insult to injury.

Fun fact: Church once roomed and played with the Yanks' own Darrell Rasner at the University of Nevada. There's really no reason anyone should care about that, and yet, having learned it, I felt oddly compelled to share.

Kapparot '07

In honor of Yom Kippur, Day of Atonement, I hereby present some of my more egregious blogging sins of the past year and humbly ask for your forgiveness. For whatever reason, most of my most painfully inaccurate opinions have related to the Yankees this season... I guess because it didn't take a genius to realize that El Duque would be injury-prone (although: arthritis and bunions?!), or that acquiring Ambiorix "Young Dominican Kyle Farnsworth With Elbow Problems" Burgos wasn't such a hot idea.

October 2, 2006: "...you just can’t be too impressed by a team whose putative ace is Kenny Rogers. The Detroit GM could have asked any New Yorker over the age of, say, 17 about this, and saved himself a lot of trouble and money. And I know there’s no better way to make yourself look like an idiot than to try and predict a short playoff series… so I’m not going to start now, I guess… but, honestly, I will be flat-out stunned if the Tigers beat the Yankees. Anything can happen, sure, of course, but you’ll have to scrape my jaw off the floor with a spatula."

Well, I wasn't totally wrong there, really. I mean, I was flat-out stunned.

November 29, 2006: "I know very little about Igawa... Still, given the choice between Igawa, Ted Lily or Gil Mesh, I’d take a flyer on the Hanshin Tigers ace."

December 6, 2006: "Alternately, perhaps Cashman's just been laughing too hard over Gil Meche's $55 million five year deal to use the telephone coherently."

I'm so sorry, Gil Mesh; I was wrong to treat you that way. And just look at you now; has your ERA lost some weight? Kei seemed so exciting, exotic and new -- but baby, I was a fool.

May 27, 2007: "It's still May, but by now it's pretty safe to say this is just not the Yanks' year... [they're] still much better than their current record, and I'll be shocked if they don't end up well over .500. That, however, seems unlikely to earn them a playoff spot this year... A comeback is still possible, sure. It's also possible that Clive Owen will knock on my door tomorrow night carrying an Al Green CD, a kitten, and a bottle of Glenlivet, but frankly, I'm not loving the odds."

May 28, 2007: "While the Yankees pick through the burned wreckage of their season, looking for anything that might have survived the cataclysm ("look guys, this Chien-Ming Wang is hardly even singed!"), the Mets are just plain rolling... Honestly, everyone could sense the reversals of fortune coming last year... But I certainly didn't think the divergence would be this extreme."

I'm still waiting on Clive, though.

What can I say? I didn't think the Yanks had it in 'em. Whatever happens in the next week, even in the playoffs, coming back to make the AL East a real race is a remarkable turn of events. (Though, by that same token, sucking like such a gaping black hole for the first two months was quite an achievement in itself). I hope fans will be able to properly appreciate it -- even if the Angels once again knock New York out in the Division Series. Or the Indians; am I the only one who's afraid of the Indians? Fausto Carmona is not fucking around this year.

July 31, 2007: "... the Red Sox just made their bullpen even better with the addition of Eric Gagne. The Yankees weren't catching them anyway, frankly, barring massive injury to half the Boston pitching staff; but now they're really not catching them. It's all about the Wild Card..."

I repent.

Now will you please let the Mets win a goddamn series?!?

.500 Baseball: Dream The Impossible Dream

Unofficial Jewish Baseball Week continues, as Shawn Green hit a game-winning home run last night to beat the St. Louis "These Guys Won the World Series? Of What, Poker?" Cardinals in the 11th inning. (You heard it here first: look for good things from Scott Schoeneweis tonight.) MetsBlog links to a nice ESPN photo of the ensuing scene at home plate: see, Paul Lo Duca has crazy eyes when he's happy, too, not just when he's filled with uncontrollable rage.

The Yanks begin a series with the Orioles tonight, a team so depressing that watching even a few of their games may very well leave you contemplating the emptiness and vastness of space from the fetal position. Meanwhile, all I ask of the Yankees, at this point, is that they make fewer than three errors, allow fewer than four stolen bases, and don't get picked off. Baby steps.

I Joke, But the Yankees Would Be Lucky To Have A 1B Like Shuki

Remember those golden, lazy, carefree days of last week, when the Yankees were two or three entire games above .500? Sometimes late at night I think back to that time... God, we were all so young then.

Having watched Sunday's Yankees game, I now feel bad for having complained about Saturday's. Seems ungrateful, looking back. The Yankees' latest meltdown featured inefficient starting pitching from Mike Mussina, ineffective relief from the bullpen -- though I appreciate the effort from Roger Clemens, who is too old for this shit -- several futile pinch-hitting appearances, awful baserunning, and, to top it all off, a series of Keystone Kop defensive plays. The way the Yankees look right now, they're not winning the Wild Card unless the Indians and Tigers engage in a pitched, armed battle to the death sometime in August (which: not a bad marketing idea, actually. Ratings would be through the roof, and they'd be higher for the playoffs, too, without those pesky small-market midwest teams involved. Somebody get Selig on the phone!).

Don't worry though, Yankee fans, the team knows what it has to do:

“We’ve got to find a way to pitch better and score some more runs and look like a ball team again,” said starter Mike Mussina...

Allowing fewer runs while scoring more: that would probably help, yes.

Moving on and following up, the Israel Baseball League kicked off last night, with the Modi'in Miracle kicking some Petach Tikva Pioneer ass, 9-1. You may well be witnessing the origins of The Curse of Shuki Friedman.

I just now noticed that the Miracle are managed by Art Shamsky... you know, it's a strange world we live in.

Eephus of the Year

The Mets are back, baby. For those of you who wonder what an eephus pitch is, look no farther than the sixth inning of tonight's game, when Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez deployed a true classic to end a long, tough at-bat by the A's Eric Chavez. It floated in at 53 mph, giving Chavez time to stare, twitch, blink repeatedly, take a huge swing, and miss by a mile. That is an eephus. Some people will try to convince you that El Duque throws the eephus all the time, but not really; that's just his 67 mph-ish slow, slow curve, which complements his 87 mph fastball and the seven or eight other pitches he throws at odd arm angles in between, including the ones he appears to just make up on the spot. You really do have to love El Duque. Chavez smiled and shook his head as he walked away, which is always the mark of a true eephus -- well, either that or blind rage.

This actually wasn't the Mets' most crisply played game; last night's dominant 9-1 win behind Tom Glavine, his 296th, was really the "they're back" moment. And not so much because of the score, but the attitude: they were having fun again. Reyes was twitching around, dancing and shadowboxing in the dugout; everyone and the ball boy made fun of Tom Glavine, who was thrown out at the plate trying to score from first (he had two hits and two RBIs in the game and is now hitting .333; at this point, the Yankees could really use him at DH). Tonight's game also featured a Paul Lo Duca meltdown of truly epic proportions, which was both highly entertaining and slightly alarming -- it took the assembled talents of the entire Mets coaching staff to coax him back to the dugout. You know, anyone can think to toss their helmet, bat, and gloves onto the field, but adding the shin guards and chest protector was a nice touch. As with most creative endeavors, it's all in the details.

The Yankees are also back, but unfortunately, in their case, this is not a good thing. More on them tomorrow. Oy.

Speaking of which, apparently this is Jewish Baseball Week and no one remembered to tell me: the Times has an article about the new Israel Baseball League. This is a nice idea and I hope it works out -- hell, the more baseball the better as far as I'm concerned, wherever, whenever. The league will feature a 51-year-old pitcher from Nyack; expect to see Ricky Henderson playing there by next year. (The article doesn't say: do you have to be Jewish to play in the league? Both ethically and for the sake of quality play, I certainly hope the answer is no).

Unfortunately their director of player development over there is Dan "it's 1996, and this seems like a good time to publicly declare that Roger Clemens is in the twilight of his career" Duquette. And they're all excited, because the demand for tickets is so high, they had to double the available seating at one field to accommodate the fans... from, uh, 1,000 to 2,000. Yay?

Oh well, I shouldn't make fun, they're just getting started. Watch out, Devil Rays! The Modi'in Miracle are coming for your attendance records!

Three Thousand Years Of Beautiful Tradition, From Moses To Sandy Koufax...

I have a recap of last night's Yankee game up at the Banter. I watched today's too, but let's stick to the short version: bleargh. As for the Mets... oh, hell, you don't really want a recap of that game, either, do you? I miss the Cyclones already.

The Mets' slump is devouring everything in its path and expanding exponentially, like the Blob. Sure, the fact that the Braves and Phillies have been nearly as bad means the Mets are still in first place, against all the odds, having won just four games all month... but though I still think they'll eventually be fine, I'm now starting to wonder why I still think so.

The Yanks, after scoring just five runs in three games at Coors Field to get swept by the Rockies, are right back at .500. Just can't stay away, can they? They're playing the Giants next, and at this point I'm just hoping for the moral victory of not allowing a home run to Barry Bonds: he's gonna get there, but it would be nice if he did so without help from the Yankee pitching staff. Even this may be too much to ask from Kei Igawa, though, making his non-triumphant return to the rotation tomorrow.

In other news, Jason Giambi caved somewhat to Bud Selig's bullying, and agreed to meet with the Mitchell Committee -- though it sounds like all his answers will be carefully scripted by lawyers, and he's not talking about anyone else's drug use, only his own. Which... we all already knew about. Three years ago. My, isn't this a satisfying blow for truth and justice!

Selig again left open the possibility of punishment.

"I will take Mr. Giambi's level of cooperation into account in determining appropriate further action," he said.

Translation: "I reserve the right to try and suspend Giambi even though the chances of such disciplinary action standing up in court, after the inevitable challenge from the player's union, are roughly equivalent to the chances of my scoring a hat trick in a hockey game played at Hell Arena." Inspirational leadership, that, especially since Giambi's probably out for the year anyway with his foot injury. Ugh! This whole episode is like three separate empty gestures wrapped up in one.

Finally, I realize I'm a bit late on this one, but American Jewish Life Magazine makes the argument that all American Jews should root for the Boston Red Sox (via Deadspin).

I plan to refute this claim while eating a cheeseburger at work on Saturday.