Last night’s post got me to thinking. Since everything that can possibly be said about Alex Rodriguez this year has by now been said, and given the inordinate number of trees (and, er... bytes?) that have given their lives for excruciatingly in-depth analyses of the man, I decided not to write another word about A-Rod this season--barring truly remarkable events. So I'm making it official: not another word about lucky #13, UNLESS:
- He single-handedly wins or loses a playoff series.
- He starts a real quality brawl.
- He is arrested for a felony. We're talking murder, assault, possession with intent to distribute... a DUI isn't going to cut it, nor will tax fraud, and obviously, don't bother me with any misdemeanors.
- He--not his wife--gives birth to a child. I honestly don’t mean this as a dig on him being effeminate or anything, I just think it would be newsworthy.
- He hits a home run off of Curt Schilling. Because it never gets old.
- He spontaneously combusts on the field. Literal flames only; metaphorically doesn’t count.
- He has an affair, but only if it’s with someone really unexpected. I don’t mean a model or actress or groupie, I mean, say, Hilary Clinton. Larry Bowa. Arundhati Roy. Derek Jeter’s mom. My grandpa Murray. Someone like that.
Does that about cover it? Let me know if I've forgotten something. Otherwise, so long until October, A-Rod, and good luck.