August 28, 2006

Mama Zimmerman Didn't Raise Any Haters

The guy has a song about Catfish Hunter, so it seemed like a fair bet to assume Bob Dylan was a Yankees fan. In fact, that’s not totally accurate; in this month’s Rolling Stone interview with Jonathan Lethem, Dylan says: “The problem with baseball teams is all the players get traded, and what your favorite team used to be – a couple of guys you really liked on the team,
they’re not on the team now – and you can’t possibly make that team your favorite team. It’s like your favorite uniform.”

Fair point, especially if you grew up in the era before free agency, I’d imagine. But, he goes on, “I mean… yeah… I like Detroit. Though I like Ozzie [Guillen] as a manager. And I don’t know how anybody can’t like Derek [Jeter]. I’d rather have him on my team than anybody.”

Damn straight, Bob. Imagine Derek Jeter coming up to bat to “Subterranean Homesick Blues” -- It’ll never happen (I don’t think DJ is much of a classic rock fan), but it would be a beautiful thing. And also: dinner with Bob Dylan and Ozzie Guillen. How much would you pay to be at that table?

Ozzie: We're cheating on the mound?... They're mad. They can't admit that a Latino kicked their ass… That's why I don't get along with too many managers. Because they hate my [expletive] ass, because I don't kiss their ass, and I didn't kiss anyone's ass to get this job.

Bob: No, I do not feel that good when I see the heartbreaks you embrace, If I was a master thief perhaps I'd rob them.

Ozzie: I'll tell you one thing, if Padilla hit me twice, right now I'd be in the hospital or I'd be dead. But I will fight. I will fight because the way he hit him.

Bob: How many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man? Yes and how many seas must a white dove fly, before she sleeps in the sand?

Ozzie: Fucking fag.

Somebody get Tom Stoppard on this, asap.


pops said...

I'm thinking that Derek Jeter is great but bland. Ozzie Guillen isn't bland. Did Bob Dylan just notice that baseball changed 30 years ago?

Julian said...

The pitch is getting loose!

Emma said...

Well, you know... he's been busy.

Jeter is admittedly the blandest interview of all time, and hasn't said anything interesting to the media since 1997. Still, I get the feeling that he's not that way with his teammates - he's just smart enough to know there's no percentage in saying anything out of the ordinary and starting a media feeding frenzy. Either that, or he just loves quoting Bull Durham.

Ozzie Guillen: nope, not bland.

pops said...

But is there any evidence that he ever says anything to anybody that isn't bland? His ads are bland..I suspect his true soul is revealed in that awful Ford ad where he wants into his private space and it's filled with Mustangs. When he rides around next so Spike Lee, he looks especially bland, so much so that it's a bit uncomfortable to watch.

Emma said...

Good lord, I hope you're wrong. Those ads make me hate everything.