We Are All Interested In The Future, For That Is Where You And I Are Going To Spend The Rest Of Our Lives

The Amazing A-Rod predicts!:... that Derek Jeter will win an MVP this season. I don't know how, exactly, but people will find a way to get mad at him for this.

Speaking of predictions, Jimmy Rollins replied to Carlos Beltran's, and then the Mets responded to that, and then Ryan told Jose that he heard from Brett that... yeah, there's not much real baseball news just yet. Select anonymous Phillies have apparently mentioned brawls, which reminds me that neither the Mets or the Yanks had even one actual fight last year -- just a scuffle each, with some shouting and your basic "hold me back!" posturing.

While few things in sports are sillier than a baseball fight, I have to admit part of me wants the Yankees to have one this season; it's the last year of Kyle Farnsworth's contract, and that's pretty much the only thing he excells at. (Seriously, if you haven't watched this clip of Farnsworth vs. Jeremy Affeldt during a Tigers-Royals brawl, you are depriving yourself of hours of enjoyment). Seems like a waste if the Yankees don't get even one jaw-dropping tackle for their money.

However, as for the Mets, I say let the Phillies run their mouths: I don't want to see an opposing player come within 10 feet of Johan Santana's left arm at any time, for any reason.

One more prediction for the road (via RAB): Kevin Millar says the Orioles are gonna win it all, baby! He's kidding, of course - and aiming some jokey trash talk at the Cubs' Ryan Dempster, another prediction-happy player. Still: it's probably not a good sign when a team's veteran players are openly joking about how ludicrous it would be for them to win a championship, you know?

Baseball Player Name of the Week

Brooks Badeaux.


Well he looks full of joie de vivre, doesn't he? Perhaps it's because his Durham Bulls are a Tampa Bay Devil Rays* affiliate. Anyway, in addition to sounding like a suave B-movie villain, or perhaps a minor Walker Percy character, Badeaux seems to have played every position except catcher. He's been to spring training with Tampa three times over the years but only received a grand total of four at-bats there, which must be a bit frustrating.


*Yes, I know, it's the "Tampa Bay Rays" now. But I find the entire name change so inane, I refuse to go along with it. In fact, every time I even type "Tampa Bay" from now on, just so you know, I will be making a devil sign.

No Matter How Long The Winter...

Ah, spring training! Pitchers and catchers are in camp and my RSS reader is blowing up. News and notes:

-Mike Mussina had minor leaguer Billy Traber's locker switched so that Phil Hughes could be in the corner, next to Mussina and Ian Kennedy. The Moose comes off as such a grouchy old man sometimes that I thought Traber must have been playing his music too loud or something, but that's not it:

Ian Kennedy was given the locker on one side of Mussina and non-roster lefty Billy Traber the other. Phil Hughes, meanwhile, was five lockers away, between Carl Pavano and Andy Pettitte.

So Mussina talked to Rob Cucuzza, who is the actual clubhouse manager, and asked Hughes and Traber to be swapped. Mussina wanted Hughes we well as Kennedy to be part of any impromptu pitching discussions.

My question is, whose idea was it to place Hughes next to Carl Pavano? That guy shouldn't be allowed within 15 feet of a pitching prospect. Just the thought brings out all my protective instincts.

Anyway, this is a classy move by Mussina. I wonder what kind of wisdom he'll be imparting?...

“So kids, remember all that stuff Rocket told you last season about ‘B12 shots'? DISREGARD.”


-MetsBlog has a quote from Ryan Church, who's all excited to join the Mets -- to be expected, as this kid comes from a place where Dmitri Young qualifies as a superstar. Just wait until the lifetime Expo/National finds himself on a team with a winning percentage over .500, his head might explode.


-Paul Lo Duca apologizes, vaguely, for "mistakes in judgment" and his memorable supporting role in the Mitchell report. That took two months?


-While I find all this "team to beat" stuff pretty silly, it's nice to see Carlos Beltran showing a little life. Beltran, when he's healthy, is a joy to watch, but you always wish he would have a bit more fun out there.


-Excellent news: the Mets signed Olmedo Saenz, owner of one of the better nicknames in the game, to a minor league deal. "The Killer Tomato" is not only an accomplished pinch-hitter, but also offers the kind of zaftig presence that's sorely lacking in New York this season.



-In the "La Plus Ca Change" division: pitchers throwing for Joe Torre in the Dodgers' camp the other day included Tanyon Sturtze, Esteban Loaiza, and Mike Myers.

You can run, but you can't hide.

Fear and Loathing in the Congressional Oversight Committee

There's been saturation coverage of the hearings all day, so I'll just summarize my reaction here real quick:

1. I believe Roger Clemens took steroids.

2. That said, good luck convicting him of perjury if your main witness for the prosecution is Brian McNamee.

3. By forcing the issue this far, Clemens put Andy Pettitte in a really terrible position. Which, to be honest, lowers my opinion of Clemens more than any amount of steroid use.

But hey, at least he's not a vegan.

4. Our elected representative are asses. Why on earth did even this spectacle have to split down party lines? We have a thrilling three-way bipartisan tie for the most staggeringly stupid thing said by a member of Congress today:

*Representative Clay, Democrat of Maryland, asking on behalf of a friend what hat Clemens would wear into the Hall of Fame. Points for ballsiness! Negative points for wild inappropriateness.

*Rep. David (R, VA) comparing the attacks on Clemens to "a lynching." No. No, no, no.

*Rep. Souder (R, IN) comparing the players' widespread silence on the steroid issue to the anti-snitching culture in Baltimore that got one family's house fatally firebombed recently. Again: no.

Nobody has died, people! Although I'm starting to consider it. I'm sick, it's raining, I'm stressed out, and I just watched the U.S. Government discuss abscesses and buttocks for a solid hour. Not even kitlers can cheer me up today.

I'll leave you with this quote, though, from the autobiography of the great Bill Veeck:

“Don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying that baseball is not a great game. It has to be a great game to have survived what we have done to it.”

Amen.

Madness!

I like Joe Girardi. I think he's smart about the game, and intensely hard-working, and I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of job he does this year.

That said, he would probably not be at the top of the list of "Managers I'd Like to Have a Beer With"*.

From Jack Curry's in-depth interview with Girardi:

G- “I think one of the jobs of a manager is make sure it’s an enjoyable place to work every day, even during the bad times. You have to find a way to make it enjoyable. Sometimes, you got to do things a little different. Sometimes, you got to be a little off the wall, as off the wall as I can be.”

C- What would be off the wall for you?

G- “I would do things with the players to spice it up. I might run with them one day. I might pull them off the field a little early during batting practice if it’s hot. You’ve got to have the pulse of your players at all times.”

Wow. I mean, hey, I'm all for having a little fun on the job, but slightly shortened batting practice on hot days? I had no idea Girardi was such a loose cannon.



*Number one on that list: Ron Gardenhire.
Last place: Tony La Russa.

Baseball Player Name of the Week

Cody Ransom.

Well, that’s just flat-out awesome. Cody Ransom. Ransom will be the Yanks’ third baseman at Scranton this year, and I only hope they let him play while wearing a cowboy hat and a six-shooter as God so obviously intended. In fact, is there some way he can play third base on horseback?


Cody Ransom was born in Mesa, Arizona and actually went to Grand Canyon University. Honest. I'm not even going to look up photos of this guy because it can only be disappointing.

Get To Know Your New New York Players, Part 4: Ryan Church

After looking at Brian Schneider and LaTroy Hawkins, plus some Venezuelan lefty whose name escapes me at the moment, it's time to see what we can't find out about new Mets outfielder Ryan Church. I put this off because I kept thinking Minaya was going to turn around and trade the guy, but apparently not; Willie Randolph told WFAN the other day that he (Church, not Randolph, though that would be fun) will get the chance to win the starting right field job.

Checking out Church's stats, I see that even the guy who sponsors his Baseball-Reference.com page writes, "It was a fun ride, but you're no Lastings Milledge." Ouch. Still, when Church has been healthy, he's put up solid numbers, unspectacular but useful.


Off the field, he found himself in the middle of a mini-scandal a few years back, thanks to conversations with the Nationals' overzealous team chaplain. The unfortunate Washington Post headline was "Nats' Church Apologizes For Remarks About Jews":

An article in Sunday's paper about Baseball Chapel quoted Church as saying that he had turned to Moeller for advice about his former girlfriend, who was Jewish. "I said, like, Jewish people, they don't believe in Jesus. Does that mean they're doomed? Jon nodded, like, that's what it meant. My ex-girlfriend! I was like, man, if they only knew. Other religions don't know any better. It's up to us to spread the word," Church said.

Whoops. I'm sure the Mets' PR staff will be having a little chat with Church about trying not to alienate one third of his new team's fan base. (Particularly not the third that controls the media! Har.) Anyway, Church apologized immediately-- "I am not the type of person who would call into question the religious beliefs of others" -- and the whole mess seems to reflect more on Moeller, the chaplain, than Church, who comes off mainly as excessively impressionable. Still... the Mets ditched Shawn Green for this guy? Insult to injury.

Fun fact: Church once roomed and played with the Yanks' own Darrell Rasner at the University of Nevada. There's really no reason anyone should care about that, and yet, having learned it, I felt oddly compelled to share.

Karma's Payment Plan

Careful, Yankee fans, this is a dangerous time.

I understand that Curt Schilling's shoulder injury, and its timing, provide a golden opportunity for schadenfreude. I really do. But remember: it is terrible baseball karma to wish for, or celebrate, injuries. By all means hope for Curt Schilling to be absolutely horrendous in 2008 -- but not because of significant surgical procedures, or pain. It's unseemly, but more to the point, it'll make the baseball gods just that much more inclined to give potential Sox starter Jon Lester a spectacular season for the ages... or to reach down and loosen one of Phil Hughes' ligaments.

So get well soon, Curt. Get well soon, and then suck.


UPDATE: That said... this is pretty funny.

Actually, I Can Only Dream About Having That Kind Of Storage Space

I'm a little confused by everyone's reaction to the news that Brian McNamee claims to have kept used syringes and bloody gauze as evidence of Roger Clemens' steroid use. So... people are saying it's not normal to keep boxes of your friends' and clients' bloody medical waste for eight years? Here I thought I was just being conscientious!

Seriously, though: Ew. I think Clemens probably did use steroids, but the more I learn about McNamee, the more the ex-trainer appears to be a slimy, untrustworthy scumbag.

In other news:

-Johan Sanata was introduced to New York yesterday in all his glory. Santana was relaxed and friendly and stayed on-message -- he's not a born showman type, like Pedro Martinez or Johnny Damon, but he handled himself well. Maybe a bit stiff and scripted in the main press conference, but looser and more charming in the subsequent one-on-one interviews. Still, he was nearly Jeterian in his determination to say nothing controversial. Which is probably for the best when you consider...

-...last night's revelation that Pedro Martinez is apparently a cockfighter. You know, I'm surprisingly unsurprised by this.

-My ancient Tino Martinez #24 t-shirt is current once more! Well, sort of. Tino is in Tampa working with Shelley Duncan, a meeting of remarkably affable and good-natured first basemen. Expect much enthusiastic high-fiving.

-Paul at Yanksfan vs Soxfan has some fun projections, based on BP's PECOTA numbers, for the Yankees and Red Sox in 2008. I've weathered the offseason pretty well this year, but looking at those posts, particularly the segment on the Yankees' starting pitching, I suddenly experienced a yearning for actual baseball games so acute it almost physically hurt.

Name of the Week, Revisited

I got a great comment this morning on the last Baseball Player Name of the Week post, regarding Ferd Eunick. This is one of those things that just makes you love the internet. Writes Kimberly Eunick Hay:

"Well, I can tell you what I know about my grandfather, Fernandas Bowen Eunick. He died in 1959, 8 years before I was born in Baltimore, MD. Played high school ball against Hall of Famer George Herman (Babe) Ruth. Worked his way through the minor leagues, played in Montreal, among other places til he got his shot at the show in 1917. Played in one game at the end of the season. Cleveland wanted him to come back the next year, but his future father-in-law made him decide - baseball or my grandmother. And he chose to walk away from his dream for her. He never really forgot the game - played semi-pro ball as long as he could and died - literally - at an Old Timers event at Baltimore's Memorial Stadium on December 9, 1959. He was inducted in the Maryland Professional Baseball Hall of Fame in 1956 - I have the trophy and pics of him receiving it at home.

And for the record - NO ONE called him Fred - no idea where they got that from.

When people ask that question about any person, dead or alive you'd want to have lunch with - my answer would always be him. Very proud to know my grandad pursued his dreams."

Well, that explains the two career at-bats; playing high school ball against Babe Ruth, then passing away at an Old Timers Day -- it's hard to top that as bookends to a baseball life. Thanks to Ms. Hay for taking the time to write.

One "S" Short of a Marketing Sensation

I've never been much of a football fan, but last night's game might just make me into one.

I refer of course to Puppy Bowl IV.



Kidding! I'll probably go right back to ignoring football next year, but this Super Bowl was amazing, a ton of fun to watch. I didn't think the Giants had a prayer, but I was glad to be wrong, and Brooklyn was in a very happy place last night (and a very hungover place this morning). I walked the dog when I got home, and we couldn't go 50 feet without an exuberant Giants fan stopping to pet her and, oddly, congratulate her on the win. "18-1!" was ringing out late into the night, or, more often, "18-1, MOTHERFUCKERS!" You gotta admit, Boston had it coming. I still believe to this day that I personally jinxed the Yankees out of their 2004 American League Championship, so I know whereof I speak.



In baseball news... well, now we know why Don Mattingly had to reduce his role on the Dodgers' coaching staff. If you'd had to guess which player might find himself in that situation, wouldn't the eternally buttoned-up Mattingly have been just about your last choice? Anyway, this is one of those stories that I really don't want to follow too closely -- it's hard to see how it's any of my business.

Finally, via RAB I see that the Yanks have "expressed interest" in Kevin Mench. Yes! Finally! I've been saying for years (literally) that anyone named Mench, spelling aside, belongs in New York. It's taken them long enough.

And If You Don't Know, Now You Know

I've got a post about Chuck Knoblauch up at the Banter, for those of you who're interested.



Meanwhile Johan Santana and the Mets made it official last night, of course, and there was much rejoicing. MetsBlog must have set some sort of page view record yesterday; I did little but click "refresh" for three hours straight, and I was not alone. Anyway, I was going to do a Get To Know post on him, but really, I pretty much covered Santana back in December. As I said then:

I think one reason I'm fascinated by Santana is that I know so little about him, which is what happens when relatively quiet people play for teams in the middle of the country. I don't get to see a lot of interviews or quotes from the guy, which means it's easy to make him into something of an ideal figure. (Plus I used to read a lot of Bat Girl; she referred to him simply as El Presidente).

The only off-field Santana antic I can remember made me like him even more -- it happened this past summer, when the Twins came to Shea. Minnesota broadcaster Bert Blyleven bet Santana he couldn't throw a complete game shutout (note to Blyleven: this works much better with Sidney Ponson); it turned out Santana could, and indeed did, so Blyleven had to let him shave his head:



I think the best part of all this is that while pitching his complete game shutout, Johan Santana was apparently thinking about how he would get to shave Bert Blyleven's head.

I say trade every minor leaguer that isn't nailed down.

Rewatching that video, I'll add that Santana also sounds a little bit like a muppet. But in a good way! Also, check out this additional Johan video, from a fan in the stands; anyone who messes with Sidney Ponson during his downtime is, clearly, a man after my own heart.

Johan, Johan Johan Johan, Jo-han, Jooo-haaan...

Oh thank Christ.

It's not definite yet, and most Mets fans are desperately trying to restrain their jubilation until it is, but summer in Queens is looking a whole lot brighter. I was really starting to think we were going to be watching Livan Hernandez pitch every five days. This... this is better.



And in the National League! In a pitcher's park! When the season starts I'll buy some fine wine, crank up the music, and just watch that beautiful, beautiful, changeup. Then I'll rewind the Tivo and watch it again. (I mean, assuming he doesn't blow his elbow out in spring training... now please excuse me while I go knock on every piece of wood within a five block radius).

My best guess for happiest human on the planet tonight: Willie Randolph.


I do feel for Twins fans, though, who in my experience are a pretty excellent bunch, and deserve better. The best pitcher in baseball for four promising but wholly unproven prospects? All is forgiven, Omar. Guillermo who? Looks like that trip to the Holy Land paid off right quick.


UPDATE: Just heard on SNY's SportsNite that Santana refers to his change as "the butterfly." Hold me.

Baseball Player Name of the Week

We have a tie!: Ferd Eunick and William Adolph Wambsganss, both of the 1917 Cleveland Indians.

Not much information is available online about Fernandas Bowen Eunick, but I imagine his was not an easy life. According to Baseball Reference, he's "also known as Fred." Ferd was born in Baltimore in 1892, died there 67 years later, and on August 29, 1917, made his first and last appearance in the majors. He lasted all of two at-bats, getting a hit in neither of them.

Bill Wambsganss, by contrast, had a long and successful career, but he's remembered almost exclusively for making the only unassisted triple play in World Series history, in 1920, against the Brooklyn Robins. "You'd think I was born on the day before and died on the day after," he said decades later.


Gotta love the body language, in the photo above, of the runner getting tagged for the third out.

Of course, I'm just the latest in a long line of observers to fixate on Wambsganss' name. Soon after he arrived in Cleveland, Ring Lardner wrote a limerick:

The Naps bought a shortstop named Wambsganss,Who is slated to fill Ray Chapman's pants.
But when he saw Ray,
And the way he could play,
He muttered "I haven't a clam's chance!"

Anyway, they don't name 'em like they used to. Also on that 1917 Cleveland team: "Pop-Boy" Smith, Red Torkelson, and Braggo "The Globetrotter" Roth.

Get To Know Your New New York Players, Part 2: LaTroy Hawkins

Last time, in Part 1, we vainly looked for dirt on Brian Schneider, the Mets' apparently ludicrously wholesome replacement for Paul Lo Duca (dislikes: junk food and steroids; likes: puppies and signing autographs for kids). Now it's time to look at the Yankees' only major newbie of the offseason to date, 35-year-old reliever LaTroy "Well He Can Hardly Be Worse Than Farnsworth" Hawkins of Gary, Indiana. Personally I'd prefer Ronnie "The Hawk" Hawkins, but what are you going to do? This guy may be the only thing standing between Joba Chamberlain and the 8th-inning role, so read on for information regarding tarps, 'roids, media boycotts, and sign-stealing.

I confess I had completely forgotten this, but Hawkins was the losing pitcher when David Wells threw his perfect game in 1998. I'm predisposed to like him, because remember that crazy rainstorm last summer in Colorado, when the Phillies endearingly ran out to help the grounds crew with the tarp? Well, the Rockies didn't exactly distinguish themselves there, as just one single home team player offered assistance -- and that was, of course, LaTroy Hawkins.

More recently he went on the radio and, with sentiments I suspect an increasing number of fans can relate to these days, announced that he doesn't care about steroids:

LaTroy Hawkins: “It’s not any of my business. First of all the thing is I don’t care. Only person cared about that was [Commissioner Bud] Selig. I don’t care about it. That’s just my own personal opinion.”

Page: “You don’t care if hitters are juicing up?”

Hawkins: “No, I don’t. That’s just my personal opinion. Still got to hit the ball, brother.”

Indeed, though unfortunately, too many hitters have had an easy time doing that against Hawkins recently. He had a good 2007 (oddly pitching much better at home at Coors Field), but rough sailing for a few years before that; Cubs fans certainly weren't too fond of him, and the feeling may have been mutual. Also, it seems Hawkins has, or had, a bit of a running feud with umpire Tim Tschida. In 2004, he had to be restrained while arguing calls and was suspended three games...


...an animosity which apparently stems from an incident in 2002, when Hawkins was with the Twins, and Tschida asked him to move his bullpen chair -- because the Red Sox were accusing him of stealing signs. Excellent! Anyone prepared to steal signs from the Sox, or at least make the Sox think their signs are being stolen, can't be completely useless... although: I can't help but notice Hawkins' career ERA against Boston seems to be 5.79.

On top of that, I'd say there could be some potential media trouble on the horizon, based on this Hawkins interview on Sportznutz dating back to his unhappy time in Chicago:

TH: What was your rational or thinking at the time you were named the closer when you decided not to speak to the media?

LH: Because I didn’t want them to start a soap opera. It was plain and simple.

TH: Did you do it because you didn’t want the media to approach you perhaps if you had a bad game?

LH: No. That was my intention in the first place and all that other bullshit, that wasn’t my intention. You know how they are – the media here. Always looking for something. Write (about) what’s on the field.

TH: You previously played in Minnesota, a lot smaller market than Chicago. How would you compare the media in Minnesota to Chicago?

LH: It’s not even comparable. Minneapolis and Chicago – there’s a big difference.

TH: Did you have a better relationship with the media in Minneapolis than you do in Chicago?

LH: Nope. I had one guy in Minnesota, Souhan, with the Star Tribune. Only guy I talked to...

...TH: Do you plan on keeping up with the media boycott as long as you are here?

LH: It’s not actually a boycott. Actually, I speak when I feel like speaking. Plain and simple. When I feel like speaking, I’ll speak. And when I don’t feel like speaking, I’m not going to speak.

Right then. What could possibly go wrong in New York? Say, LaTroy, there's someone I'd like to introduce you to. Have you met Mike Lupica?

...LaTroy? Where are you going?

Get To Know Your New New York Players, Part 1: Brian Schneider

With spring training just around the corner, it's time to take a closer look at some of the new lambs to the slaughter players we'll be watching all season (or at least until they tear their hamstrings). Most New York fans probably know new Mets catcher Brian Schneider better by his nickname, "They Traded Lastings Milledge For WHO?" Schneider. But let's not rush to judgment until all the facts are in, particularly the silly and irrelevant ones.

Paul Lo Duca left big shoes to fill -- not so much because of his actual play, but what you might term the local color he provided.


He came to the plate to "Stayin' Alive" and "No Sleep Till Brooklyn." Will this Schneider fellow be photographed with nubile teens on his lap, get busted for sending friendly thank-you notes to steroid dealers, take part in a messy public divorce, love the horses, toss all his catching gear onto the field (YouTube!) after questionable calls, or make his eyeballs do this when angered?:


Early signs suggest... probably not:


We seem to be looking at a level of wholesomeness here that rivals David Wright's. (By contrast, and before I move on, let me just recommend a quick Google Image Search of "paul lo duca umpire." Whee!). An extensive search on Brian Schneider reveals very few juicy details. He's from Pennsylvania, he apparently attended Nationals fan events as fast as the team could dream them up, and - trivia alert! - he was behind the plate when Barry Bonds hit #756. Schneider also agreed to an interview with Nationals blog Nats320 after being traded, which is pretty cool of the guy.

He's boldly anti-junk food; his idea of a clubhouse prank involves baby powder. (I'm guessing Paul Lo Duca's clubhouse pranks involve Jager and razor blades). Finally, he has two dogs named Dinger and Ribbie. Cute, Schneider, cute. But let's see you rip an umpire's chest protector apart with your teeth.

Anyway, Schneider has spent his entire career with the Expos/Nationals, so it'll be interesting to see how he might react to, say, being on a team that's over .500. Or playing in front of crowds. Welcome, Brian, and remember: we only viciously insult your abilities and parentage because we care.


(As an aside: in the course of researching this post (and obviously I use the term "researching" loosely), I discovered that the Montreal Expos had a theme song, "Les Expos Sont Là," which basically translates as "The Expos Are There." Now, probably the actual lyrics are positive enough, but I've only got the title to go on, and I love that this is apparently the most enthusiastic sentiment the songwriter could muster. Not so much "Meet the Expos" or "Let's Go Expos," but more along the lines of, "Huh, There Seems To Be A Baseball Team Over Here.")

One more for the road -- though in Lo Duca's defense, Lima Time had this effect on many of us:

Baseball Player Name of the Week

Jack Warhop.


It works particularly well if you imagine Bob Sheppard saying Warhop.

Mr. Warhop pitched for the Yankees from 1908-1915 and holds their all-time record for most hit batsmen, with 114 -- though this is only 56th on the MLB all-time list. In fact, the top three batter-hitters all have pretty excellent names:

1. Gus Weyhing (277)

2. Chick Fraser (219)

3. Pink Hawley (210)

Gus Weyhing, in particular, has a nice ring to it. Is there a correlation between coolness of name and career number of batters hit? I may have to email the Baseball Prospectus crew for a definitive mathematical answer to this.

Related: Randy Johnson (182) is #7, and Roger Clemens is #13 (159), just barely edging out Nolan Ryan (158). You probably have to be a bit of a dick to be that high on the list, since pitchers with mere lousy control probably won't end up with enough career innings to make a dent -- that is, if you're given the opportunity to pitch long enough to hit 150 batters, they probably aren't all accidents.

Unless of course you're Tim Wakefield (#18).

Somewhat to my surprise, Bob "Intimidating" Gibson is only 75th (102), tied with Chief Bender. Who probably would have won Name of the Week honors, if only "Chief" weren't a vaguely racist nickname given to seemingly every Native American player in baseball's early days. Ah well.

Political Grandstanding: Much Less Fun Than Actual Grandstanding

As you may have heard by now, the owners have extended Bud Seligs's contract through 2012. Of course. Now, some of my reasons for intensely disliking Selig are fair (collusion) and some are not (less charisma than a piece of sushi), but I think this is my problem in a nutshell: if the rich people who control everything love you this much, there's just no way you're actually doing a good job.

Speaking of Selig, I was going to blog about the congressional steroid hearings, but they proved too frustrating to watch intently for more than half an hour (not that I didn't love Rep. Shayes asking Mitchell about Rafael "Palmerry" and whether or not he'd tested positive before his "300th hit". I'm sure our health care system will be fixed any week now). So I'm all Mitchell Report-ed out, and then I realized: maybe that was MLB's plan all along -- to make their fans so incredibly sick of hearing about PEDs that they eventually just completely stop caring? I think it's working. Maybe I've underestimated Selig after all.

In other non-news, the Mets continue to get everyone's hopes up by hanging in the Johan Santana sweepstakes, and while Omar Minaya did not acquire any bullpen help, he did travel to Israel. Good call, and if he's really not going to acquire another solid starting pitcher, I'd also recommend stopping by Mecca and Rome.

If I had a nickel for every time I confused CPR with non-consensual sex!

I already suspected there was no God when I woke up a few days ago with a slight hangover and was greeted by news stories suggesting a bleeding abscess on Roger Clemens' ass. (Have you ever unexpectedly seen the results for a Google Image Search on "abscess"? No? NOT RECOMMENDED). And now there's this. Noooo!

A world with abscessed-Clemens-ass imagery and a hobbled Endy Chavez is not a world I want to live in.

Meanwhile, while I now have no idea what the truth is in this whole Clemens fiasco -- inclined to think he used steroids, but trying to keep an open mind -- and am increasingly unable to give a fuck, I lost any shred of respect or empathy I might have had for Brian McNamee when I read this AP article (via River Ave Blues last week). It seems that at the end of the 2001 season, in Florida, a bunch of Yankees had a party at their hotel, which McNamee attended, and:

"Detectives believed the former New York Yankees trainer who says he injected Roger Clemens with steroids lied to them during the 2001 investigation of a possible rape, according to documents released Tuesday by police."

I don't even remember hearing about this story at the time -- it was just a few weeks after 9/11, and I suppose that's at least partly why it didn't get more attention. But it isn't being discussed much now, either; even the Post, which you'd think would be all over it (the Post loves rape), didn't even run the entire AP article. And so I'm going to rant a little bit now, because dammit, somebody ought to.

The article goes on to describe the embodiment of all the nightmare-jock-party stories you heard in high school and college:

"The records released Tuesday by the St. Petersburg police show McNamee was suspected of raping a woman he had met at the Renaissance Vinoy Resort in October 2001. ...

McNamee was having sex with the woman in the resort's pool and didn't stop when confronted by security, the documents say. Police were notified. When they arrived, they found McNamee had helped the woman out of the pool and get dressed, according to the documents. Groggy and incoherent, she was taken to the hospital, where the documents said she was found to have GHB, the "date-rape drug," in her system.

The woman told detectives she could not remember details of the encounter in the pool. She said she did not give McNamee permission to have sex with her, and witnesses told detectives they had heard her saying "no" during the encounter, according to the documents. Detectives later recovered some of her jewelry, an empty beer can and a water bottle containing GHB at the side of the pool.

Police interviewed McNamee hours later, according to the documents, and he denied having sex with the woman or knowing Yankees batting practice pitcher, Charles Wonsowicz, who was also in the pool. McNamee refused to submit a saliva sample for DNA analysis, the documents said."

Now, McNamee was never charged, let alone convicted, so I get that these are just allegations, not proven facts. These records are only coming to light now because of Clemens' lawsuit, and of course making McNamee look bad is the whole point. Still -- the story is drawing from police files, not just innuendo, and it's more than enough to make me question McNamee's character and credibility. To put it mildly.

Of course, it raises another question, too, which Roger Clemens' lawyers seem to hope we'll gloss over: if you're Clemens, and you know about this incident, why do you then hire this slime, and stay friends with him for years afterwards? After all, it was apparently reason enough for the Yankees to fire him (which: I am pleasantly surprised they had the backbone). But:

"Clemens then hired McNamee as his personal trainer. According to the pitcher's lawsuit, McNamee told him that his actions were "actually a life-saving attempt.""

Right. A life-saving attempt, who wouldn't buy that? You know what, I'm done here -- these two guys can sue each other into oblivion for all I care.

All in all, it's certainly been a glamorous few weeks for the national pastime. Rape and abscesses! HGH and GHB! Christ on a pogo stick, I just want to watch a damn game already.

For Auld Lang-Rod

11:57 PM, December 31st, 2007. I'm at my friends' party on Degraw St, in the apartment I lived in for several years when I first moved to New York. As everyone hurries to get a glass of champagne poured and ready before the ball drops, someone turns on the TV, flipping around til he finds a broadcast from Times Square. It was Carson Daly, and all of a sudden there, standing next to him, in a Yankees cap:


Me: Oh hey! Is that A-Rod? It's A-Rod! Turn up the volume!
Everyone else: (laughing, talking, pouring champagne)
Me: This must be part of his whole No-really-I-love-New-York image rehab thing! What's he saying?
Everyone else: Ten!... Nine!... Eight!...

So I have no idea what was said (shot in the dark: "it's great to be here in New York!"), because my friends are normal healthy people who do not care about baseball player soundbites when they're celebrating the New Year; but A-Rod's mug was just about the last thing I saw in 2007. Seems fitting somehow.

Anyway, here's to 2008 and just the littlest bit of a fresh start. If one 2007 moment really encapsulated my entire year, it would have to be the sudden swarm of gnats that descended on Joba Chamberlain during Game 2 of the Division Series, resulting in two wild pitches and a blown lead. (Only because the Mets' implosion wasn't really a "moment" so much as lifestyle). At the aforementioned party I tried to describe that eighth inning to a non-baseball-fan friend, but he refused to believe that I was talking about non-metaphoric gnats.

So Happy New Year, everybody. Thanks for reading, and I plan to be optimistic about this upcoming year for at least five or six days yet.