According to ESPN, the White Sox are close to a trade for Alfonso Soriano. I'm sorry to hear it, because I've always liked Soriano and was hoping he'd end up back in New York - he loves it here and he's a terrific hitter, skinny, 'roid-free, and full of enthusiasm. Unfortunately, as many people have pointed out recently, his few walks are a rare and mystical occasion, apparently depending on the cycles of the moon and the alignment of the planets, whereas his strikeouts are reliably frequent. But I have another reason to want him back, namely that I still have a Soriano t-shirt from 2001, and I'd really like to be able to wear it to the Stadium again without feeling like a tool. My other Yankee shirts are Paul O'Neill and Tino Martinez, so I say fuck the on-base percentage and bring back Sori, before I'm forced to shell out another $25 for a Posada shirt and jinx him into retirement.
The YES broadcasters just reminded me that Kevin Mench's name is also coming up in trade rumors. I don't think he's actually Jewish, but nevertheless, a guy named Mench should probably be playing in New York.