July 11, 2006

"It is a Cosmic Rush... "

Thoughts on the All-Star Game:

-Fox kicked things off in an even tackier manner than I could have dreamed, with an elaborate yet inept CGI display of “shooting stars.” “It is a cosmic rush… and it’s flying straight into Pittsburgh, PA!”

-Hey, it’s Jeannie Zelasko and that guy with the moustache whose name I can never remember! I haven’t had to mute you guys since the World Series! “The National League was dominant in the 60s,” Moustache pointed out. Yes, that’s not surprising, given that the DH rule was introduced in 1973.

-I physically flinched when Kenny Rogers appeared on my screen -- they really shouldn’t cut to that guy without giving New York fans some kind of warning. If there’s any silver lining to Rogers’ performance in this city, it’s that it brings Yankees and Mets fans together in shared feelings of resentment and contempt.

-One of Brad Penny's 99-mph fastballs came a little too close to Derek Jeter’s head for my comfort. How awesome would it be if there were a brawl at the All-Star Game? I only hope I live long enought to see that happen.

-Apparently, more than one person on the planet thinks it's a good idea to use Soriano as a leadoff hitter. Huh.

-Phil Garner's mid-game interview was the very embodiment of affability. I kind of want him to be my grandfather. Ozzie Guillen... he can be my crazy uncle.

-Was it really necessary to show a clip of Bronson Arroyo singing? Please, please, PLEASE STOP. It's like showing a streaker during a game: if you pay attention, you're just encouraging him.

-I don’t think I’d ever seen Derrick Turnbow before. He looks like a Fraggle.

-While it was a nice moment, that was probably the least dramatic or emotional 2-out 9th inning rally I’ve ever seen.

-So glad to hear thar MLB and Fox are renewing their malevolent deal for another seven years. God give me the strength to change the things I cannot accept, and to accept the Tim McCarver.

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