The Post may be an unreliable rag, but it's had some truly inspired headlines over the years. This, however, is not one of them:
DAMON'S PHATTED CALVES HIT WITH CRAMPS.
Were they... trying to make a pun on the Biblical parable of the Prodigal Son... and the word "phat"? In reference to Johnny Damon's leg cramps? Someone overreached here.