What Kind of Wine Has Tim McGraw Been Drinking?

I don't really have time now to talk about the Yanks game in detail, but there is no shortage of discussion going on elsewhere. I can't decide: was Joba Chamberlain throwing at Kevin Youkilis? I hope not, because it’s too dangerous at that height -- plunk the guy in the thigh if you really feel you must, but don’t risk missing up by his head, not when you throw that hard -- and, unless something happened during this game that's not public knowledge, it was pretty much unprovoked. (Yes, A-Rod got plunked Tuesday, but Clemens then hit Pedroia Wednesday, so that should be that.) It's very odd to totally lose control of two pitches in the same spot like that; at least, I can’t remember seeing it happen quite like that before.

On the other hand, Chamberlain’s demeanor suggested it was an accident -- he looked really confused and surprised and kind of awkward when he got tossed from the game, and in his interviews afterwards seemed genuinely worried that people would get the wrong idea. So, in sum: I have no idea what the hell happened there.

Either way, though, I can understand why the Sox were pissed, because even if it wasn't on purpose it was a bit too close for comfort. (I know, it wasn't that close, but if someone fired a 98 mph fastball eight inches or nine inches away from my head, I think it would feel pretty damn close to me).

Also, while I continue to be massively impressed by Chamberlain’s pitching, at least when he’s not trying to crush opponents’ skulls, I have to say I’m extremely disappointed in his choice of entrance music. “Indian Outlaw” by Tim McGraw? Seriously? Joba, you are way too cool for this nightmare of a song. Sample lyrics:

“All my friends call me Bear Claw
The village chieftain is my paw-paw
He gets his orders from my maw-maw
She makes him walk the line

You can find me in my wigwam
I'll be beatin' on my tom-tom
Pull out the pipe and smoke you some
Hey and pass it around

'Cause I'm an Indian outlaw
Half Cherokee and Choctaw
My baby she's a Chippewa
She's one of a kind

I ain't lookin' for trouble
We can ride my pony double
Make your little heart bubble
Lord, like a glass of wine...”

Cringe. And also: What?

For the love of god, somebody help this kid pick out a decent metal track.

***

UPDATE: great "Who, me?" photo of Chamberlain from the Daily News. You decide:

I Have Run Out of Synonyms For "Agonizing Loss"

Man... where to start with that Mets game? I can't remember the last time a team suffered four losses that agonizing one right after the other. I mean, certainly other losses have meant more -- the Mets still do have a two-game lead, even though it doesn't feel that way -- but these were just lost in such an insanely maddening fashion. First the blowout, then they let the Phillies tie game two on a grounder that should have rolled foul but didn't. The next day their dramatic comeback is aborted by an interference call. Then today, they battle back twice, from 5-0 and 8-5 deficits, and look like they're about to salvage some tiny positive feeling from the smoldering wreckage of this series... and instead their bullpen implodes again. Absolutely brutal. And now they have to go to Atlanta, and with the Phillies breathing down their necks, they actually need to win.

Having been rendered more or less speechless (which by the way is not easily managed, so congrats, Mets), I will only say, once again: at least it isn't boring.

If you're a Mets fan it may make you feel very slightly better to listen to this fan-written song about Endy Chavez, which is what the Mets were singing in the locker room the other day when he came off the DL. But only very slightly.

Ask Jobu to Come, Take Fear from Bats; Offer Him Cigar, Rum

Gut-punch of a loss for the Mets tonight. To have the game end on an interference call just as the team dramatically tied it up... good lord. I'm not entirely sure, but I think the ump was technically right to call out Marlon Anderson; going in hard and late is one thing, but actually shoving the fielder to the ground while you do it is another. Still, you hate to see any game end that way -- and it was especially painful since the Phillies probably wouldn't have turned the DP regardless. The Mets may have actually discovered a worse way to lose than having your pitcher balk in the winning run, which I wouldn't have believed was possible.

Between this and the game-tying dribbler that never rolled foul from Tuesday night, to say nothing of countless other incidents of terrible luck this series and the entire team's sudden inability to buy a run-scoring hit, it's beginning to look as if the Mets have done something to seriously piss off the baseball gods. Hopefully someone can find a white steer to burn as an offering of atonement before tomorrow's game. Or maybe they won't need much luck, because El Duque's starting... what I wouldn't give to see him toss an eephus to Pat Burrell.

Anyway, maybe it's an illusion, but it sure seems like all year the Mets have largely been good when the Yankees have been bad, and vice versa; I'm going to have to crunch the numbers at the end of the season. Regardless, last night the Yanks played a solid game behind Roger Clemens (with the notable and totally unsurprisingly exception of Kyle Farnsworth), and moved into a virtual tie with Seattle, who just got clobbered by the Angels. I listened to a bit of that game online today and kept forgetting that I was supposed to be rooting for LA, accidentally cheering for the Mariners instead... it's just horribly unnatural. Glad that's over.

And by the way, I can't tell you how thrilled I am that somebody recently found this blog by searching for "badass jesus blogspot." Fuckin' a.

Seasons Don't Fear the Reaper, Nor Do The Wind And Rain, We Can Be Like They Are...

Nice win for the Yankees -- Andy Pettitte is on top of his game, and the Legend of Joba grows. He will, at some point, allow a run, right? I need to brace myself. Even better... and I can't believe I'm about to type this... the Angels... won (GAAARGH!!! that almost killed me), beating Seattle, and so the Yankees are now just one game back from the Mariners, two in the loss column. I chalk up this good luck to the unheralded presence of one Tino Martinez in the stands; they need to keep him there through the Seattle series if at all possible.

After every single loss, Andy Pettitte blames himself entirely -- really excoriates himself, in fact, stopping just short of hitting his head repeatedly against the wall while muttering "stupid, stupid!" It's the Paul O'Neill school of self-motivation. Meanwhile, after every win he says two things: "the offense did a great job" and "Jorgie called a great game." Tonight he just kept repeating how glad he was the hitters could "pick him up" after he allowed a home run to Varitek that tied the score at three in the 7th, on his way to throwing 119 pitches. "I thought maybe I cost us the game," he said on the postgame show, immensely relieved, "... it just killed me to make that mistake." It's okay, Andy! Fans tend to love the relatively rare players who visibly care about winning much more than they themselves do, and very possibly more than is healthy. When O'Neill came up in a big spot you rooted for him to get a hit not so much so that the Yankees would win, but so that he wouldn't hate himself. On the Mets right now I think Pedro Martinez has that quality, and it'll be a boost for them to get that back, as well as his arm.

And speaking of the Mets, if you think I was happy to have Endy Chavez back, his teammates actually burst into song. Unfortunately it didn't help at game time. Ryan Howard home runs are going to happen, but still, the Met bullpen is just hair-raising right now. But for some reason -- even after tonight -- I still have more confidence in Pedro Feliciano in a big spot than Aaron Heilman. Possibly it's because Heilman's entrance music this year has been "Don't Fear the Reaper"... and with all due respect to Blue Oyster Cult, as far as songs that will psych up a home crowd go, this is a huge step down from last year's "London Calling." It's like a vegan version of "Enter Sandman."

Then again, perhaps it's just because I haven't seen Feliciano give up a playoff series-losing home run to Yadier Molina. Anyway, it also seems clear now that if Willie Randolph really must use Guillermo Mota*, he should by no means press his luck by extending him for two innings. Question: do they test for steroids during the playoffs? Maybe they could slip him a little something just before the Division Series starts?


*Whose entrance music remains the heinous "I Like To Move It"

You Make Me Happy When Skies Are Gray

--Endy Chavez is being activated today. Yay!

--Amazingly enough, people still haven't realized that everything you do online can be tracked and traced back to you. Look, if you work for ESPN or MLB and you start editing relevant Wikipedia pages, don't think people won't find out. "Sexual harassment charges? What sexual harassment charges?! Look, Wikipedia doesn't even mention them, clearly they must not exist!"

--Also, more on Antonio Alfonseca's fingers:

Alfonseca is adamant that the digits are more a sense of pride than a problem. It even cost him a chance to join the New York Yankees machine as a 16-year old. Upon meeting Alfonseca, Yankees scout Arturo Defreitas offered to have the extra finger removed by a doctor. Alfonseca's response: He ran away.

See, Mets fans ought to love this guy.

--Oh, and the Yankees are playing some team from Boston tonight...

It's not a fight for the Division anymore, but it's still do-or-die time for the Yanks... and I can't say I'm not looking forward to seeing Joba Chamberlain versus Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz. Yanks need to win tonight with Pettitte on the mound, since he's now their most reliable starter, juuust edging out Wang at the moment. And with Matsuzaka going for the Sox, it should be a good one -- anyone who pretends to have an imaginary pitch just to fuck with people's heads is my kind of pitcher. I'm only surprised El Duque never thought of this.

Too Bad He Didn't Take Better Care of His Body, Like That David Wells

So when I said I thought Mike Mussina would bounce back tonight somewhat... I, uh... well, I guess six runs in three innings is better than seven runs in 1.2 innings? Yikes.

That was an extremely painful game to watch, on a human level more than a sports fan level. Mussina's struggled before, but not like this; he's been one of the best pitchers of his generation, and this might be the end, and he's not ready for it. The post-game interview was just heartbreaking. "I don’t even know how to describe it because I’ve never had to deal with it before," he said. Watching him on the mound was awkward, almost embarrassing, like we should turn off the TV and give him some privacy. Give Mussina credit for sticking around to talk to reporters -- I would have been out of there like a shot, I'd imagine -- but he looked, and sounded, shattered. No confidence; none of his trademark snarkiness, even. Can an athlete really lose it that fast? From Tyler Kepner's NY Times story:

“Right now, I let go of it and I don’t feel like anything good is going to happen,” Mussina said. “It’s tough to pitch that way. You can’t play the game that way to feel like you have no control over anything, and that’s how I feel right now..."...

...The Yankees owe Mussina more than $11 million for next season, but he seems to be nearing the end. It is a scary and sudden reality, and it has knocked him as low as he has ever been.

“It feels like I’m never going to pitch well enough to get to the sixth or seventh inning again,” Mussina said. “That’s just how it feels right now.”

I have to believe that given time to make adjustments, Mussina can be, if not good again, at least mediocre --I don't care how old he is, I refuse to believe he's a less viable pitcher than Sir Sidney Ponson -- but unfortunately, time to make adjustments is exactly what the Yankees don't have.

In less agonizing news...

--Meant to mention this earlier, but Scott Proctor pitched against the Mets on Friday night, and not very well -- walk, hit, hit, balk... "It's possible he may have been somewhat overused," said Gary Cohen gingerly. It is indeed. However, I see Proctor has wasted no time in taking advantage of the Dodgers' more relaxed grooming rules and is already sporting a big off-putting tuft of chin-beard. So at least he's got that going for him.

Makes you wonder, how many Yankees would grow awful facial hair if only they could? You know Brian Bruney is just yearning for a goatee.

--In general, though I'd prefer them to stay right where they are in the NL East, I like the Phillies: Ryan Howard seems thoughtful and kind in interviews, Jimmy Rollins is funny*, Shane Victorino has a solid nickname in "The Flyin' Hawaiian," and Antonio Alfonseco has six fingers on each hand, which is awesome. Then there's that great clip of the whole team helping the Rockies' grounds crew with the tarp during a dangerously windy storm, which still makes me smile. But they do have one really glaring flaw in their likeability... and its name is Brett Myers. On the plus side, screaming violently at a reporter for no good reason is certainly a huge step up from smacking your wife around on a street in Boston. Baby steps!

Wait, THIS guy hit his wife? No way!

--Finally, Jim Dolan has donated to the Hilary Clinton campaign. Okay, that's it, I've finally made up my mind: I'm going with Obama.



*I still can't believe people got so worked up over his pre-season comment that the Phillies were going to be "the team to beat." What's the guy supposed to say? "I look forward to another year of frustrating near-misses"?

Baseball Player Name of the Week

... the Tigers' Jair Jurrjens, of course. Middle name: Francoise. He left the game in the second inning yesterday with shoulder pain, though; hope it's not as bad as it looked.


Runner up Names of the Week: Kansas City minor leaguers Thad Markray (anybody named Thad gets automatic consideration) and Russ Haltiwanger.

All's Wells That Ends Wells

I know he’s got a big mouth, I know he never really took care of his body and perhaps wasted a chunk of his considerable potential, and I remember his tendency, when with the Yankees, to unhesitatingly (and visibly) give up on games in which the starting temperature was over 85 degrees. Nevertheless, I’ve always loved watching David Wells pitch. His career is both cheerfully improbable and also a sort of implicit “fuck you” to all those people who insist you need to eat well, drink in moderation and go to bed early if you want to succeed in life. Okay, so he developed diabetes at 44 and is not exactly a role model... still, those people need a good "fuck you" once in a while. And pitching a perfect game while hung over -- or by his own account, actually still sort of drunk -- is a level of bad-assery not often seen in the Majors since the 70s.

Also, I have never seen a more accurate or concise observation about Bud Selig than the following from Wells:

“He worries about what people say about him and he Googles himself.“

You know he does.

You’ll recall that the Padres released Wells a couple weeks ago; tonight, pitching in his first game for the Dodgers, he looked surprisingly sharp. Obviously I was rooting for the Mets but I was happy to see Wells back in the saddle, too, and in my favorite moment of the game, he bunted for a hit. Fucking beautiful – well, not aesthetically, actually, but the idea of it. I’ve never seen David Wright look more surprised.


In other news, I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but credit where credit’s due: Joe Morgan said something interesting on ESPN tonight. He mentioned that John Maine’s high fastball seems to be actually more effective, and more explosive, than his low fastball – even though the general rule of thumb is that pitchers should keep the ball down, down, down and will get hit hard if they don’t (see: Igawa, Kei). I think Morgan’s right; when Maine’s in a groove, which he was for a few innings tonight, I often wonder how he does it with the ball so high in the zone, but I hadn't fully articulated that thought til Morgan mentioned it tonight. He just seems to have more movement up there for some reason. Good call, Joe.

Now, leaving this odd parallel universe in which Joe Morgan uses his remarkable Hall of Fame career to actually make interesting observations and educate his viewers, I have to point out that tonight Morgan also referred to Sandy Alomar Jr. as Roberto Alomar, Marlon Anderson as Marlon Byrd, Shea Hillenbrand as Shawn, and pointed out that the Braves need bullpen help but cannot pick up reliever Bob Wickman… since they just designated him for assignment. Ah yes, now we’re back in Kansas.

The Mets head to Philly now, and I thought this would be a really big series when I looked at the schedule at the beginning of the season, and even a few weeks ago... but it's not, really, since the Mets have already opened up a six game lead in the NL East. That's not huge, but as long as they take even one from the Phillies here, they’ll still be in pretty good shape. Taking the series from the Braves probably isn't necessary either... but man, it would really help their fans' mental health.

By the way, to clarify: in the last post, when I said the Yankees’ season was really really close to being over, what I meant was not that they don’t have a decent shot at the playoffs – three games back from the Wild Card in the loss column, they’re still very much in it - but that they have an extremely small margin of error right now. They’re only two or three losses combined with Mariners wins away from being, while not mathematically out of it, a real longshot. So if Mussina is really done – though I do think he’ll bounce back tomorrow, at least somewhat – and/or if Clemens and Hughes continue to be uneven… the point is, they're now one bad, unlucky week away from being essentially done, so everything needs to go right from here on out.

Well, either that, or the Mariners need to start sucking. But I've been waiting for that to happen since June...

Quick, Kids, Head to eBay

First of all, to update the MLB-licensed, gang-colored/themed baseball hat story mentioned with disbelief in the previous post: the hats are, not surprisingly, being pulled from stores. (Thanks to Ben from RAB for the link). Also,

New Era said it would increase its efforts to ensure it had a better working knowledge of gang symbols, names and locations.

Yep: it's gonna be really interesting being a New Era intern this fall.


Second... I just finished watching the Yankees-Tigers game, which started at 11 PM and ended around 3:30 AM with a Carlos Guillen walk-off home run in the 11th inning. This puts the Yanks 6.5 games behind the Red Sox, who predictably destroyed the White Sox in a doubleheader -- and, more to the point, four games behind Seattle in the loss column for the Wild Card. This is their second heartbreaking extra-innings loss in the last week, both of them off of poor Sean Henn, who was teary after the Angels game and cannot be much happier tonight. And that was actually a pretty decent pitch he threw to Guillen, too, down and in, not that it matters much.

No, the Yankees' season is not over... but it is really, really close to being over.

Coming Soon to Stores Near You: Official MLB Shivs

-Okay, is this story for real? I have a hard time believing that even Major League Baseball could be that tone-deaf and stupid. But it seems that, yes, MLB is licensing New Era NY hats with overt, deliberate gang colors and symbols. Wow. Somebody's getting fired.

On the plus side, at least I know what my dad's getting for Christmas this year.



-The Mets' trade for Luis Castillo, quintessential overachieving-Twins-infielder, is looking better and better. He's a smart hitter (though I wish he'd bunt less often, especially since he's hitting in front of Wright and Beltran), and he and Reyes are turning into a great double play combo, complete with ridiculously enthused high fives afterwards. If you hooked those two up to a generator you could power half of Queens.


-Meanwhile, across town (or, technically, in Detroit), every time Joe Torre sneezes now he moves up a spot on some decades-old all-time managerial stat list. Seems like he's hugging Jeter, Posada and Rivera, recieving a game ball, tearing up, and talking about how special milestone X is roughly every other Wednesday. This is generally a warning sign that a long and storied career is drawing to a close, a la Bernie Williams last year.


-Trevor Hoffman, Mariano Rivera, and Billy Wagner have all faltered repeatedly over the last week or two... late August is not a good time for relievers.


-The Psycho Fan has a great note from the Angels' broadcast a few days ago. Apparently announcer Steve Physioc observed that Jeter is the best defensive shortstop in Yankees history -- manifestly untrue; he's certainly their best-ever offensive shortstop, but fielding-wise, I'm not sure if he's even in the top 10 -- including Phil Rizzuto. As evidence he offered the fact that Jeter is the only Yankee shortstop ever to win a Gold Glove. Now, this would not be a convincing argument even if Gold Gloves had been given out before 1957... which, as The Psycho Fan points out, they were not. Brilliant.

The Folly Floater

By the way, I never got to say anything about Phil Rizzuto. All the obits have already been written, so I'll skip the full send-off, but Rizzuto really had the right idea about broadcasting -- he obviously loved the game and cared about it, but never took it, or himself, too seriously. (Of course he was a great player too, but I never got to see that firsthand). And he was blatantly partisan, but so good-natured that no one could hold it against him. ESPN producers and on-air talent should be locked in a dark room and forced to watch his broadcasts for days at a time, although really, I suppose, he didn't have the kind of persona you can successfully imitate.

Anyway, Rizzuto's voice can be heard on this semi-famous YouTube clip of Steve Hamilton tossing his "folly floater" eephus pitch to the Indians' Tony Horton circa 1970. Beautiful; I don't think El Duque's ever gotten his that slow. Nice play by Thurman Munson, too, and priceless reaction from both dugouts, the crowd, and Horton himself... with, of course, a great call from Scooter.




[Update: Turns out Horton's professional career had a sad and early end. Too bad; I like his sense of humor.]

More later today on the local nines. That was quite a series the Mets and Padres just played... And that's quite a slider Joba Chamberlain's got. I could happily watch him just pitch to Vlad Guerrero for nine innings.

Baseball Player Name of the Week

From the Brevard County Manatees, recently defeated 4-3 by Pedro Martinez and the St. Lucie Mets:

Pitcher Josh Wahpepah.
















(photo from Brewerfan.net)


By the way, the Manatees are currently being terrorized by a "Pie Assassin" ("Millions live in fear!"):

Bystanders recoiled in fear that maybe it was a pie-terrorist attack. A threatening note found this morning stated that a new victim will be selected every home game for the remainder of the season, unless the alligator that slipped into the stadium this past week and led away in handcuffs is granted an unconditional pardon by the governor and given two seats for the playoff games...

..."It's just sick that you can't sit and watch a baseball game in peace without worrying about some crack-pot taking out his pie-ro-manical tendencies on us common folks," stated Manatees GM Buck Rogers. "We must catch this nut-job before he strikes again!" The voice of the Manatees, Kirk Aigus, was heard muttering on the air, "Oh, the Hugh Manatee!"

God I love minor league baseball.

Conine the Barbarian

I have a recap of last night's Yankee fiasco up at the Banter.

Over in MetsWorld... not all of Omar Minaya's moves have worked out, but I think it's safe to say the good has outweighed the bad by a solid margin. So I'm generally willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. But Jeff Conine? What, did they feel the team's median age was getting too low with the departure of Julio Franco?



To be fair, I guess they needed a right-handed bat and had limited options; add Damion Easley's ankle to the list of gruesome baseball injuries of recent years. I really, really didn't need to see that in Hi-Def.

In better news: Endy Chavez is coming! Hide your women and children!

Also: Johan Santana, in case you were wondering, is still mind-bogglingly awesome. Mets, Yankees, I don't care, I just want him in New York so I can see him pitch every fifth day. Whatever it takes -- trade Phil Hughes, or Phil Humber, or a kidney, or Derek Jeter's firstborn. Anything. Worth it.

Finally: it's a good thing the Yanks have some good young pitchers coming up, because according to Buster Olney the best free agent pitchers this offseason will be: Livan Hernandez, Jeff Weaver, and Curt Schilling. Um. The Mets need to cross their fingers that Pedro comes back healthy and Mike Pelfrey figures things out, or Humber advances fast; I can handle Livan Hernandez, but I have already seen too much of Schilling and Weaver for one lifetime.

Back in the New York Groove (Again)

View from Taipei 101, the tallest building in the world... for at least a few more months.

So, I'm back -- still a little fuzzy from jetlag, because that is seriously one hell of a plane ride, but back. Taipei's a really interesting place... and also: typhoons!

The two questions I was asked most often in Taiwan, neither of which I could satisfactorily answer:

1. Why did America re-elect George Bush?
2. Why is Kyle Farnsworth still on the Yankees?

Seeing as how I was sort of by default representing my country, I started to feel personally responsible.

Anyway, I'm now off to upstate NY for a day to retrieve my dog, but three quick notes to get my feet wet again:

-Joba!

-Random line from the Mets broadcast last night which I found inexplicably funny: "You can be patient with Chico." Anyway, nice bounce-back win for the Mets, after one of the most excruciating losses of the season Thursday night. Sweet defense, too, especially from Reyes and Castillo.

-It's Angels-vs.-Red Sox time again.

Hwahsi Night Market


Sinon Bulls vs. Brother Elephants at Tienmu Stadium

Smart money's on Bratwurst to place

Well, it's been a crazy month, and it's about to get even crazier, as I'm about to leave for the airport and the quick little 36-hour jaunt over to Taiwan. I'll be there for a week. But I couldn't go without first sharing the Miller Park Sausage Race love. The game I saw went 13 innings and, to the crowd's unfettered joy, included a second race after the 12th.

There is much to be said in praise of Brewers fans, but this in particular impressed me: at almost every sporting event I've been to in the last few years, fans react with more passion, cheering and general enthusiasm to the free t-shirts shot into the crowd than they do to almost anything that happens during the actual game. It was true at Madison Square Garden, it was true at Shea, and I don't kid myself that it wouldn't also be the case at Yankee Stadium, if they started the tradition. It was not true, however, at Miller Park: there, the crowd engaged more fully with the racing sausages -- hot dog, bratwurst, Polish sausage, chorizo, and Italian sausage -- than with anything else. Which is, I feel, exactly how it should be.


I should point out that these things, according to Wikipedia, have names, though they quite wisely don't advertise these at the ballpark: Frankie Furter, Brett Wurst, Stosh (I have a friend named Stosh and now will always associate him with a man in a large plush sausage outfit wearing sunglasses... I have mixed feelings about that), Cinqo, and... wait for it... Guido. Yes, they did.

Much has been happening:

-Alex Rodriguez nailed his much-anticipated 500th home run. Nice moment, though really, if he doesn't get to at least 600 it'll have to be because he lost a limb. However, I do find it slightly disturbing that he and Barry Bonds have such a supportive friendship. First they schmooze it up at the All-Star Game, now both of them go out of their way to praise the other in their post-milestone pressers today... I could have sworn I heard ominous strings in the background. I mean, I'm just not well-equipped to handle a world in which Jose Conseco is not full of shit.

-The Kansas City Royals continue to suck. Chien-Ming Wang continues to be awesome. Phil Hughes should be too, shortly, but wasn't quite today.

-The Pittsburgh Pirates are still run by a madman. As Jayson Stark writes,

For the next two hours, after people around baseball learned of this deal, they couldn't stop calling, e-mailing and texting reactions that could probably be summed up with three succinct words: WHAT THE BX!GRZFDQ!!!!!

-The Yankees are just 2 games out of the Wild Card lead.

-The Mets seem to have stabilized, and they'll try to take 2 of 3 from the Cubs today; over/under on the number of times the ESPN cameras cut to Lou Piniella looking grumpy after a cubs pitcher allows a hit or a walk: 23. Also, good luck to Tom Glavine as he goes for #300 a second time -- he got robbed by the bullpen in Milwaukee. One can only hope that Frankie Furter's 12th inning triumph was some consolation to him.

-Barry Bonds finally hit another home run tonight to blah blah blah. Does anybody still care? I took this photo just outside Miller Park:



Will there ever be a Barry Bonds statue in San Fran? It's hard to imagine, isn't it? For one thing, it would be an engineering challenge to get the head large enough, yet still keep the thing structurally sound... lawsuit just waiting to happen.

Okay, off to Taiwan. I believe I'll have internet access, in which case I'll be sure to post -- though I can't be sure, as all I really know about my hotel is that, per its official web page, it boasts "luxuriously decorated corridor poles." What more could anybody ask?

In any case: any Taiwanese fans reading this, who have any tips, advice, or the desire to watch a Yankees game this coming week in Taipei, please do drop me an email -- ekspan @ gmail.com.

Miller Time

Greetings from Milwaukee! Nice place from the little I've seen so far, but then, any city with a used book store in the airport automatically earns my respect. I'm about to head to the Mets-Brewers game, but first, some notes on the trading deadline:

-The Mets acquire Luis Castillo from the Twins for some prospects you probably haven't heard of. Good trade -- I like Castillo, one of the many Twins players who always seems to contribute more than you think he'd be able to. On the other hand, I think the Mets have 17 second basemen now.

-The Yankees send Everyday Scott Proctor to the Dodgers in exchange for Wilson Betemit. I feel for Proctor, who pitched all the damn time and never once publicly complained about it, and then, possibly as a direct result, lost his effectiveness. Fortunately, in Dodgers manager Grady Little, Proctor will have a manager who is not exactly known for going to his bullpen too often...

I don't see that Betemit helps them all that much this year, but I guess it can never hurt to have a better bat on the bench, all due respect to Miguel Cairo. I'm surprised, though, that the Yankees haven't moved Kyle Farnsworth. It's one thing to pitch badly; it's another to pitch badly while complaining about playing time and feuding with your catcher. Wheee.

-The Braves are significantly scarier now that they have Mark Texiera. The Mets would still have the better lineup if Delgado and Beltran were playing up to their potential, but since they're not... well, the Mets really need Glavine and El Duque to hold up, and Oliver Perez to stabilize. And Pedro to hurry up.

-Similarly, the Red Sox just made their bullpen even better with the addition of Eric Gagne. The Yankees weren't catching them anyway, frankly, barring massive injury to half the Boston pitching staff; but now they're really not catching them. It's all about the Wild Card, which is a shame, if only because rooting against the Indians, who are quite likable, is not nearly so fun as rooting against Boston.

-Someone better organized than me is finally starting a campaign to get the Mets to move the Home Run Apple to CitiField. I support this wholeheartedly. If the Mets are going to make their stadium move the right way, they've got to take the Apple with them -- yes, it looks like it was made out of papier-mache by a 4th grade class in the 70s, but that's the point. It's unique, and it has character, and to leave it behind or sell it to the highest bidder would be a shame, even (or especially) if it will be an incongruous fit at CitiField. Do you really want the Apple rotting away in some eccentric millionaire's back yard? No, and neither do the millionaire's neighbors, trust me. Just bring it already. Everybody wins.

More soon on Tom Glavine, Miller Park, and -- most of all -- the sausage race.

Mysteries of Pittsburgh

The Mets have had plenty of injuries this season, but not, I'd say, a truly abnormal amount. Still, has any other team had such random injuries? How does a young guy like Carlos Gomez fracture his hand on a checked swing, exactly? And now Jose Valentine has fractured his tibia by fouling a ball off his leg. It wasn't shattered a la Jermaine Dye -- that was one of the most gruesome baseball injuries I can recall watching live* -- but it probably ended his season.

Speaking of age, I was glad to see Julio Franco land on his feet, even if it is with the Braves, and even if both parties seem a bit grouchy about the breakup. A lot of Mets fans, by the time he was released, had started to resent his presence on the team a bit, and there's no denying he wasn't very useful this year, even as a pinch hitter. Still, let's never forget how cool it is that the man is about to turn 49 years old. Also, earlier this season he broke his own record to become the oldest man ever to hit a home run in the majors, and he did it off The Big Grumpy himself, Randy Johnson. So I will, pretty much, love him forever.

Last night Tom Glavine got win #299 (and A-Rod hit home run #499). These are impressive milestones -- Glavine's far more so -- but I hate the inevitable countdown superhype we'll now have to go through with every start or at-bat. And, yes, I have decided to completely ignore Barry Bonds in the hopes that he will eventually go away. I'm not watching his at-bats no matter how many times ESPN tries to make me. Part of me does hope it takes him weeks and weeks to get it, though... if only because it will be a sort of poetic justice for Bud Selig to be forced to traipse glumly around the country after him, however long it takes. Now will you admit you should have pushed harder and more publicly for testing back in the 90s?

Anyway, the Mets seem to be back in their groove, though it's hard to tell when they're playing the Pirates. Seriously, how bad are the Pirates? Ace pitcher Ian Snell's immediate family members are now calling the team losers. "I'm starting to break," says Snell in that article. Yikes! Okay, as soon as they get out of New York, I'm officially rooting for Pittsburgh. These guys need some wins in the worst way.

That said, they really are terrible. In one eighth-inning play against the Mets last night, the pitcher failed to cover a base, no one on the Pirates seemed to know where the ball was supposed to go, and somehow an errant throw by catcher Ryan Doumit hit Shawn Green in the head as he dove back into third. Honestly, I'm not even sure what happened there; it bore only a vague resemblance to baseball as we traditionally know it. As Keith Hernandez put it, sounding genuinely confused and slightly hurt, "the Pirates did so many things wrong on that play..."

Between them and the Reds, and the Yankees' stretch against Tampa, Toronto, and Kansas, I've watched an awful lot of bad baseball over the last few weeks. Good thing they can wrap up these series tomorrow and move on to... oh... uh, the Orioles and Nationals. Aaaargh!



*Up there with Nick Johnson's broken leg (especially sickening in person -- it was almost a year ago and he still isn't recovered enough to play), Brian Roberts' elbow (eeeeeew!), and probably worst of all, the Beltran/Cameron outfield collision, which is why as far as I'm concerned no one is ever, EVER allowed to get on Beltran for shying away from balls dropping just between him and his right fielder.

You know, it's funny... I always liked Bubba Crosby when he was with the Yanks, but when I see his name the first things I think of are him crashing into Sheffield in the outfield during the '05 playoffs, and Brian Roberts' horrifically mangled elbow. That's quite a legacy for an innocuous little fourth outfielder.

...And Randy Choate Is Why I Can Never Remember Where I Put My Keys

Phew -- it's been a while, so I won't try to get to everything that's happened in the last few days. In short, the Mets are still winning just enough to keep themselves in first place, while the Yankees are at a stage of their season where every win feels enormously hopeful and every loss is a dagger to the heart. They're 7 1/2 back from the Sox now, but to me, it won't really feel like a race til they cut that to 5. A few salient points from recent games:

-A month or so ago, I was watching a Mets/Yanks game at a bar on the Upper East Side (don't ask), when a pair of young guys next to me asked the bartender to switch a TV over to the Marlins/Tampa Bay game, and proceeded to cheer heartily for the Devil Rays. I was stunned; I had literally never in my life ever encountered a Tampa Bay fan before. It was like having a Yeti sidle up and order a Long Island Iced Tea. Naturally, I made inquiries, and there was actually a logical explanation: they were old high school friends of Devil Rays starting pitcher J.P. Howell. I mention this because Howell started yesterday's 17-5 Yankees win, and I thought of his friends and felt for him... though, to be fair, he only allowed 7 of those runs.

-Wil Nieves is always described as an extremely nice guy, and it's true -- he really is, at least as far as I could tell during spring training. Awfully friendly and genuine, considerate, always smiling. Nevertheless, everyone who ever mentions him brings this up so reliably when discussing his hitting that it's become a sort of "she's got a great personality." The Yankees finally made a trade, and Nieves will be designated for assignment as soon as the new guy shows up; I genuinely wish him good luck and success wherever he lands.

His replacement is one of the dreaded Molina Brothers, Jose, acquired from the much-loathed Angels for a AA pitcher. As I by now instinctively loathe all catching Molinas (Bengie absolutely destroyed the Yankees in the '05 ALDS, while &*%@ing Yadier is the reason I didn't get to cover a World Series this past fall), this will take some getting used to. But I'll try my best... hell, you can't choose your family, right?

-Speaking of which, I'm liking new Yank Shelley Duncan so far, even though he is immediately related to two Cardinals (son of pitching coach Dave and brother of awkward-fielding Chris). He's comically enthusiastic, with some serious power, and while I'm not sure how he'd fare as an every day player, he's got to be better than the hollow shell of Johnny Damon has been so far this year. Poor Damon; such a fun guy to watch when he's going well, and still good-natured even now. He's picked it up the last few days, but then again a tea kettle could have gotten a hit off this Devil Rays pitching staff.

Anyway, at one point the YES cameras showed Alex Rodriguez casually, almost absently explaining something to Duncan, who sat and listened with absolutely hilarious unblinking laser-like intensity. I've rarely seen a human being with their eyes open wider. Rookies are fun.

-Meanwhile, in the "old ineffective ex-Yankee relievers never die..." department: the latest sighting is one Jay Witasick, currently dragging a 9.53 ERA out of the Tampa bullpen. He only pitched half a season for the Yanks, and that was six years ago, so I'm sort of embarrassed that I remember him so clearly. I imagine it's this kind of thing clogging my brain that explains why I never remember to pay the cable bill on time.

I'll catch up with los Mets tomorrow...

Baseball Player Name of the Week (Bonus Edition)

Okay, so I use the word "week" loosely, but this one was just too good to sit on:

Cletus Elwood Poffenberger, also known as "Boots."

Mr. Poffenberger had a brief and rather unstoried pitching career with the Tigers and Dodgers in the late 1930s, though he does, according to Wikipedia, bear the distinction of once having been tagged out by Frank Crosetti using the hidden ball trick. He was suspended after only three games in Brooklyn for the vague "violating team training rules."

One fan recalls him as a "nonconformist," given to "holdouts and disappearing acts." "There are many Poffenberger stories," he adds, "with most related to his affinity for strong drink." Poffenberger played for the minor-league Nashville Vols in 1941, where he was suspended 90 days for throwing the ball at an umpire.

(This is the grave of a different Poffenberger -- our Boots lived til 1999 -- but all I could find via Google Image search. There's more of them out there than you think.)

As a postscript, I can't help noticing that the baseball-reference.com page for Bris Lord, mentioned in the last Name of the Week post, is sponsored by one "Lord Peaches Von Wolfenstein."

I love the internet.

That Still Doesn't Explain What's Wrong With "The Cream"...

... and there's a really inappropriate joke in there somewhere.

I don’t really have much to add to all that’s already been said and written on the Sheffield/Torre contretemps. Buster Olney sums it up for those of you with ESPN Insider. In short, looking back over Torre’s whole career, there seems to be little evidence to back up Sheffield's remarks. And as you'll no doubt have heard by now, Sheffield mentioned that Jeter had tried to defend Torre to him, but that's not relevant because Jeter "ain't all the way black." Nice. I have no trouble believing Torre plays favorites – and that Sheffield was not one of those favorites, which may be what he’s responding to -- but that's hardly the same thing.

From that same interview, another quote from Sheff, on why he’d never, ever take steroids:

"The bottom line is, steroids is something you stick in your butt - period."

So… I guess homophobia is good for something after all?

In other news:

--Anthony Rieber has a new Ask Anthony mailbag up on Newsday.com. You know, it's not nice to make fun of a 76-year-old woman... but it is, sometimes, called for.

--Speaking of Derek Jeter, on a lighter note (and via Gothamist), I’m just going to quote this entire item from the gossip pages of the Daily News:

“Derek Jeter had to step up his game over the All-Star break in San Francisco.

The Yankees captain seemed a little nonplussed that his pal Barry Bonds was more of a hit with the ladies at the 40/40 Club All Star Celebration. Bonds, who hosted the event, was besieged by female fans wanting photos and autographs.

"If this party was in New York, all the girls would be on my s—," Jeter wryly observed in front of a Gatecrasher pal.

Not to be outdone, our boy was spotted later chatting up two women and leaving the party with an attractive blond.”

Ah, homefield advantage.

Now, I’ve never been a Jeter groupie. Love watching the man play, but never had the big crush, even as an impressionable adolescent. And I admit that his club-hopping, starlet-a-night routine is finally starting to wear on me – not that I’d ever argue against a rich and famous athlete getting his god-given share of tail, but really, it has been twelve years now, and if he has other interests, he keeps them well hidden.

However, with that said: how on earth could any sentient straight woman not pick him over BARRY BONDS? Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I don’t like to assist a guy with his cattle hormone injections on a first date. Certainly not without a really nice dinner first.

--On Saturday the Tampa Bay Devil Rays enjoyed a sellout crowd, according to the YES announcers. “Good for them,” I thought, until I heard the rest: it was only the sixth in their entire history.

--The Yankees are now one game over .500. I will skip the sarcastic celebratory remarks this time, but it is perhaps worth pointing out that they’re now just a win or two away from being on pace to match the final record of last year’s World Series Champions.

I dislike the Cardinals more and more with every passing day.